Closed for the holiday. See ya next year!

Monthly Update

Uggh! It's amazing how unnecessary I find the need to update is when I'm not on program. I started off November the same way I started off August, September and October - gung ho! For about 1-1/2 hours... Then the excuses started. Might as well wait until after my birthday. My birthday fell on a weekend so I might as well wait until Monday. I had some REAL soda left over on Monday so I might as well finish it up and start on Tuesday. I'm going out with a friend on Wednesday so I might as well wait until next week. We're having the company TDay potluck luncheon on Friday, so I might as well wait until Saturday and then do a nice weekend fast. I woke craving pizza on Saturday so I might as well get it out of my system. And since I'm not fasting after all I might as well buy that roll of cookie dough at the store. And since I ate both cookie dough and pizza I was too full to finish off the pizza so of course I might as well wait until Monday to start. That will give me Sunday to finish off the pizza and cookie dough.

So here it is Sunday night. I've felt stuffed and completely bloated all day from the pizza and cookie dough. So stuffed that I just can't find any more room in me to finish off the cookie dough. Which means that I have an excuse not to start again tomorrow...which means I might as well wait until after Thanksgiving to start, right?? Grrrr!

I give up pretending for now. Apparently I just don't want it bad enough at this time. Maybe next year will be better.

Oh, well at least I don't have orange hair any more. :)

Bad, It's Really Bad

Someone shoot me, just shoot me now! Tomorrow is the wedding. Since I didn't lose the weight I was aiming for, I was desperate to do something to make a prettier me. I decided to make today a day of beauty.

1. Highlights - just a wee bit. How hard can it be. I mean, it's not like I'm going to dye my whole head. The box lied!! What appeared on the box to be pretty little blond highlights turned my hair orange - BIG TIME! And I didn't even put in the big stripes they showed - I just did two or three hairs at a time! I tried to make an emergency appointment with a hairdresser for a fix but I can't get an appointment before I leave for Tennessee in the morning. I want to cry.
2. Manicure - nails will be soooo pretty. And they did....until I went to get my keys to unlock the car door and messed up 3 nails! But I walked back to the salon and they said no problem! They took the polish off all the nails and re-added it, made me sit under the nail dryer for 30 minutes and off I go again!! Now, here it is almost 10:00 and what do I see but 4 nails with the tips messed up. So once I finish this blog post I'm going to take off the polish. That was wasted money. I'm not a nail polish type of woman anyway. But still, I really want to cry.
3. Face/Eyebrow wax - While I was getting my nails done, they talked me into getting my eyebrows waxed (they do look great! But my eyebrows had a nice shape to them anyway so that's not the beauty bonus I need at this point) and my face waxed which I've wanted to do (I hate those little chin hairs!). My face was extremely red afterwards but that didn't bother me because I knew that it would just take it a little bit. But now the general redness has left, but I'm getting red splotches and bumps all over my face!!! Forget about wanting to cry, I did cry!!!!
3. Spanx - I bought a pair to help suck up some of this extra weight. I decided to try on my dress to see how it looks with the Spanx. OMG!! I can't even get it over my hips!!! And I now realize that I got the Spanx in a size smaller than what I should have so here's another $30 I've wasted and the store won't be open before I have to leave in the morning. The good news is that because I'm stuck mid-way in the Spanx I had to stop crying because a) I can't breath so I have no air in which to create more sobs and b) I can't move so I dare not allow more tears to fall or else there is a chance that I will drown.

If I could, I would just not show up for the wedding. But that's not an option.

But all is not lost - the car rental place accidently gave my reserved car to someone else so they had to upgrade me. So I got a SUV (which will guzzle gas, but it's my vacation so who cares) instead of the mid-sized car that I was going to get.

Autumn

Have I mentioned that Fall is my favorite time of the year???!!!


(another post to come over the weekend after I install my new keyboard. I just want to say that I love Autumn!!!)

And the answer is....

I posed a survey to my fellow workers today with a majority vote resulting in a surprising (to me anyway!) outcome....only 2 of us chose foot over hand!!

The question was:
In a public bathroom (I'm posting a picture so that you can mentally remove the image of a home toilet from your mind!) do you flush the toilet using your foot or your hand?

This question came up today because I went to my manager's office to fill out a workman's comp form. As I explained to her...I was in the rest room and when I went to flush the toilet my shoe flew off. Of course I jumped forward to catch it before it fell in the toilet bowl. But I mis-judged it and I tripped and hit my head on the stall wall. Her question to me wasn't "are you hurt?" it was "what were you doing flushing the toilet with your foot??"

I know you wash your hand afterwards but, ewwww!!! Not to mention the fact that the handle is so low that if I were to bend over using my hands there is a chance that my boobs would fall in the bowl!!

P.S. I really wasn't hurt so flowers aren't necessary. :)

Well Crap

That 4 letter word pretty much sums up the essence of me...

I feel like crap (what do you expect when you can gain 10 lbs in 4 days, or 30 lbs in 1 month???)
I look like crap (why couldn't I have been cursed with zits in my teens instead of waiting until my 40's???)
I'm eating like crap (no excuse, just stating a fact)
My legs appear to be crappy 'ol balloons (I swear - I measured my calves this morning and they are 3 inches bigger than they were last week...EACH!!! Fluid, fluid and more fluid!!!)
There is a crappy 'ol golf ball stuck in my throat - or at least it feels that way!!
And this damn "c" key is sticking so bad that it's ticking me off every time I type CRAP!!!


But other than that....I'm doing great!

It's Not Easy!

I've dreaded typing on the 'ol blog again because of my keyboard. (If you see any extra c's behind my d's ignore them...it just means that I didn't catch them). But life goes on. :)

Someone posted a thread over at 3FC's about this lifestyle seeming to be too easy. I am so jealous! It is not and has never been easy for me. I'm constantly seeing, hearing about or smelling temptations that call to me. No matter how good the soup (clear broth of course, not cream) I'm eating is, I'm always wanting some of the "good" food. And it's not like I just haven't given this enough of a chance because I went through 1 whole year (2003-2004) near perfect and I went 7 months of near perfection this time round...I always wanted something! This re-start has been no different. The first week I did horribly giving in every time I turned around. This week I'm doing better but it's harder than ever to resist the evil foods. But the bottom line is that I have to keep trying. I can tell such a different when I go OP - not just physically, but mentally. So I moving on. No, I'm not going to make my 100 lb loss goal by 10/06/07. No, I'm not going to make my goal for my niece's wedding. And no I'm not going to reach Onederland by my 50th birthday. But I'm still putting up a fight.

On to something else... I was getting ready to go to bed Thursday. I was chewing a piece of gum (I will go to bed with gum in my mouth - the next morning it's still good!). I got the hick up's. I woke up the next day with my gum stuck to my lampshade. Guess that was the result of a HUGE hick up!

:)

I'm backkkkkkkk......

Not doing good

That's actually an understatement! I don't know what I need to do to get my focus back but I am going to continue trying. I will make it!!!

Yesterday I went to get my eyes examined. And I spent almost $1000 on new glasses. I was going to get both glasses and contacts as this is an "odd" year and I give contacts a shot every other year. But the vision office personnel had the personality of a cardboard box - from the receptionist to the doctor. They had basically almost pushed me out of the office before I realized that they weren't going to do the contact portion (they said they forgot). The doctor was already with the next patient by that point, but they were kind enough (that's sarcasm!) to offer to put me down for another appointment. Grrr!

Today I went to the car wash to vacuum my car. Apparently I'm still not used to the new vision prescription because I actually turned into a brick wall. I hate getting old!

Oops!

Inquiring minds want to know how I can do so much cardio without dropping dead of exhaustion or boredom...

I can't!! LOL Today I could barely crawl out of bed. And as far as the boredom goes, I've just accepted that I hate exercise but that I have do it if I have any hope of getting this weight off. Going to the gym helps - I'm so busy watching the TV, watching other people to see how they use different machines (some...actually most of them, still scare me!) and my new favorite thing is the rowing machine - I set it on Fishing mode and try to beat my previous scores (the better/faster you row the more fish bite the dust!). But it gets harder all the time because once I get used to something I lose interest (i.e. the pool - talk about boring! It's fine for 30 minutes, but I'm having trouble maintaining my hour goals).

Food wise - I sucked today! Actually if I were following my normal 1200-1500 goal I would be fine, but I'm really wanting to keep it under 1000 this week. That didn't happen today.

Calories: 1221
Exercise: 1 hour bike, 30 minutes treadmill. That's it...
Weight: Down 7.4 lbs (4.6 lbs to go!)

That's better

Calories: 793
Exercise: 1 hour treadmill, 30 minutes bike, 30 minutes rowing machine, 30 minutes weights.
Weight: down 5.6 lbs (6.4 lbs to go)

It could have been better

Calories: 1177
Exercise: 30 minutes bike, 30 minutes treadmill
Down 1 lb...11 to go.

Pick An Adjective

a) angry?
b) disgusted?
c) frustrated?
d) all of the above and then some....ding, ding, ding, ding!!!

When I lose control, I really lose control. So, last week I said that I wasn't going to weigh myself because I just knew that I was going to gain. Of course, I had to weigh myself - I just couldn't stop myself! I was up 2 lbs. But everything was ok because I got back on program on Monday and by Thursday I was back down into the 20's (just barely). But then I totally lost it again. Between Thursday night and this morning (count it, that 3-1/2 days!) I have managed to gain back those 2 lbs, PLUS an additional 10 lbs!!! Yes, that is correct - not only have I knocked myself back out of the 20's but I've also knocked myself back out of the 30's!! I checked my weight log - it took me 9 weeks to lose those 12 lbs!

That's it - no more excuses!!! I'm back OP and until I lose those 12 lbs I can't have anything but lean meat, fruits and veggies...no Laughing Cow cheese, no 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream, no fat free salad dressing, no pickles, no starchy veggies, no popcorn, NO, NO, NO!!!


Awww, crap! I just remembered that my mother is coming back through town tomorrow and I promised to take her out for her birthday. OK, change of plan. NO MORE EXCUSES except for the birthday dinner.


Pick An Adjective: Ticked - I have never been as ticked off at myself as I am right now!!!

Calories for the day - 860
Exercise - 50 minutes bike, 30 minutes treadmill, 15 minutes rowing machine and 20 minutes weights.

Hate - It's a strong word

I hate my job.

Nuff said.

Danger Will Robinson!!!

OK, I have no idea what brought it on, but it came with force!!!

A Binge!!!!

It was horrible - and I mean it was horrible!! And yes, I thought that a couple of months ago when I had the bad day. But this weekend was horrible!!!!



Are you beginning to get the idea that I had a horrible weekend food-wise?? LOL Oh, well - it's over with. I've done good today. And I am not stepping on the scale for at least 3 days - I know there is absolutely no way I haven't gained and I'm not going to let a bad weigh-in mentally bring me down.

*shudder*

Biggest Loser

I thought this was interesting...

Fat Chance

What? Another Entry So Soon???

This one will be quick(er). I have an announcement, an event and a recipe.

Announcement:
Today is my official weigh-in day and I actually gained a little....from yesterday. BUT I still get to ring in a 4.2 lb loss for the week which gently throws me into a new decade!!! I wasn't going to make a big deal of it because there's a good chance that tomorrow I'll be back up a few ounces (that seems to be how my body works!). But on the drive home I figured out a way to avoid slipping back into the 30's...I'm just not going to weigh tomorrow!!!


Event:
This is my basic exercise plan.

• Monday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio (machines, walking, DVD's whatever) and 30 minutes on the weight machines for abs, back and butt.
• Tuesday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio. 30 minutes -1 hour in the pool.
• Wednesday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio (machines, walking, DVD's whatever) and 30 minutes on the weight machines for arms & chest.
• Thursday - Tuesday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio. 30 minutes -1 hour in the pool.
• Friday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio (machines, walking, DVD's whatever) and 30 minutes on the weight machines for legs.
• Saturday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio. 30 minutes -1 hour in the pool.
• Sunday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio.

Since today is Tuesday, I got to enjoy the pool! In my laps I noticed this guy in the lane next to me. When he swam to the end of the pool, he put his feet and calves over the edge of the pool (I actually started to suggest that he use the ladder, because I thought he was trying to get out of the pool in a slow motion, reverse sort of the way!). But what he was doing was sit-ups! He would sit up and touch his knees (which were right at the edge of the pool) then lay back so that his upper chest and head went under the water. Of course, he made it look so easy that I just had to try it myself (after everyone else had exited the pool of course). Do you know how hard it is to throw your legs up over the edge of the pool???? It was almost impossible!!! But that seemed like child's play compared to the next step. I laid back into the pool (picture: HEAD UNDER THE WATER!) and found that I didn't have enough strength to do the sit up!!! That wouldn't have been so bad, but it's almost like with my head under water, my brain wasn't able to communicate with my legs so I couldn't get my legs down off the pool edge. There I was on the verge of drowning and all I could think was "Please God. Don't let anyone walk in and see me this way!". Luckily I must have splashed enough water to make the pool edge slippery because I finally made like a seal and slid right back into the water. The good news is that the concrete at the edge of the pool seem to have acted like a depilatory....I bet I won't have to shave my legs below my knee for at least 2 weeks!

Recipe:

Meatloaf Muffins

1 lb. ground turkey (ground beef can be used, but turkey has less fat)
1 box Stovetop Stuffing Mix
1 medium onion
1/2 cup green bell pepper, chopped
1 teaspoon garlic salt
2 egg whites
1 cup hot water
1 package Lipton Onion Soup Mix
1/4 cup ketchup

Mix Stovetop Stuffing & water in a large bow. Stir with a fork until moistened.
In another bowl mix the other ingredients together.
Add the stuffing to the other ingredients

Spray muffin tin with Pam.

Fill muffin tins almost to the top with the meatloaf mixture.

Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes.

12 servings - 110 calories (+/- a few calories depending on which stuffing mix and which ketchup you use)

The Much Anticipated Update

My one person audience requested an update so here it is...

After my slightly disappointing weigh-in two weeks ago, I was really anticipating a great WI last Tuesday - or if it wasn't a great WI I was looking forward to at least seeing the same loss two weeks in a row (which is rare for me!). And guess what!!! I saw the same 2 this week!!!! The only problem was that my 2 was proceeded with a "."! So even though I've bumped up my exercise my old nemesis .2 is still following me around. But that's ok - I'm seeing some good numbers so far this week and I'm not planning on letting anything throw me off program so I'm pretty sure I'll be seeing at least a 2 lb loss next Tuesday.

Exercise - I've managed to get to the gym every day except Sundays and one Monday (I was experiencing some digestive problems and just couldn't see myself running downstairs fast enough to reach the restrooms if the need suddenly arose!). I was going gung-ho there for a while, but I've pretty much brought it back down to 1 hour. I do 30-60 minutes on the bike at home every morning before I go to work so I'm still working out at least 1-1/2 hours per day which is good.

But the big news is...I finally got in the pool!!! I would drag in my bag every day, and day after day that bag would go back home with me unopened. Finally on Wednesday I said "No Excuses" and took the plunge. I checked the pool area before going upstairs to do some cardio exercises and there were 3 women in there...all of them were skinny but at least they were women and they were few. I worked out upstairs for 45 minutes then came back downstairs. Checked out the pool area again and there was only 1 woman in the pool (I don't know how many people were in the hot tub since it sits off to the side). So...NO EXCUSES! Unlike others there, I need my privacy so I ended up changing into my suit in one of the tiny little bathroom stalls. I waiting until I could hear no little footsteps and came out of the stall in my suit...with my beach towel sized bath towel wrapped around me! I crept into the locker room (ready to scamper back quickly into a stall should I hear anyone coming) to lock up my stuff. Then...NO EXCUSES! I walked on out to the pool area. The 1 woman had left the pool so I had the area all to myself...EXCEPT for 3 men who had appeared since I last checked it!!! Thinking back there was probably nothing that could have gotten me into that pool faster than the thought of all 3 of those men waiting in anticipation for a glimpse of my spectacular body slowly being unwrapped from the bulky old towel! I did the towel drop and the 10 foot walk to the pool in 2 seconds flat!! Safely under the water (I actually had to scrunch way down because the first part of the pool is only 3-1/2 feet) I was in heaven! I walked the pool, did kicks and even swam for almost 2 hours!! I was feeling so good that I wasn't even fazed when I finally got out and caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror only to see that my eye makeup had run all under my eyes and they were very red so that I looked like a rabid rotund raccoon! Bottom line is that I've been back in the pool two more times since Wednesday and I've reached the point where I'm not even checking the area first...I LOVE THE WATER!!

Disappointed, but not defeated

I'm down 2 lbs this week. I've got to admit that I was hoping that my new exercise routine would send that scale spiraling downward so fast that I'd be at my mini goal in no time!! Oh, well at least I didn't maintain for the 3rd week in a row. :)

Step 2

I had a busy day yesterday.

I went to the Vitamin Shoppe to check the Gnu bars that I'd heard about. I ended up buying some whey powder mix (strawberry), ground flaxseed and a couple Gnu bars. The only thing I've tried so far is the Gnu bar which I'd heard great things about. I was less than thrilled with it (they have diced plums or something in them so it had a real fruity taste which is not what I want to taste when I'm eating a brownie bar!) I also bought a walnut/banana bar - I don't think I'll mind a fruity taste with that one since it's supposed to be fruity. But overall I do think that I will be safer with them than I am with the Fiber One bars which are EXCELLENT but I cannot seem to always stop at one.

I went to the gym and walked the treadmill for 45 minutes, 20 minutes on the elliptical, 20 minutes on the bike and 30 minutes with weight machines for arms and chest.

And I went shopping. I bought 2 new pants outfits for work. One is a real pretty green and the other is a more casual outfit in brown (I also bought a pair of brown sneakers to go with this one...I wanted something totally not me). Both outfits are size 18!!!! Now, I wasn't able to fit into everything I tried on in size 18, but the 18's were fitting me more often than not. I spent 3 hours trying on clothes - that is a record for me.

But on to Step 2 (drum roll please) the most important thing I bought was....

A bathing suit!!!

I don't know that I'll get up the nerve to jump in the pool at the gym in the next few days, but one way or the other I will be in that pool by next Saturday at the latest!!! I know the dressing room at the department store had skinny mirrors because I actually looked good in the suits I tried on. I fell in love with a skirted tankini but I was afraid that the top would float up and my boobs would float out so I decided to stick with a one piece for now. :)

Oh, dear!

Well, I did it. I joined a gym. I told them over the phone when I set up the appointment to come in and check the facility out that they'd better have some fat old people that worked out there. They assured me that they did. They lied. Beautiful young, buff and tanned bodies everywhere and not a fatty in sight...nor an oldie.

So you may ask "then why the heck did you join"? Because I maintained this week. I'm getting bored riding the bike and doing my DVD's so I know that while I'm still exercising, I'm not working at it hard enough. So it's time to bump it up again. And it's nice being the best in a group...I'm the best older woman, the best fat woman and the best white as a sheet woman. :)

Tonight I had my complimentary workout with a personal trainer. Oh, my goodness! He had me do a few minutes of cardio to get my heart rate up to where it needs to be for maximum benefit and then it was back downstairs to work on strength training on the arms and chest for 40 minutes. I really think I'm going to die. My arms are still shaking and even picking up the water bottle is a major feat right now!!! He even made me do push ups!!! I can't do push ups - never have been able to. Fortunately for me, my budget does not have room in it for the $496/per month (yes, per month!) that he charges for 3 sessions a week so I won't have face him tomorrow when I go back.

I'm a tired puppy.

Disclaimer: Only Laughing Cow Light Cheese Wedges were used in making this graphic...

I'm dying here!

Short and sweet...

I was in a spending mood. But I didn't want to spend a lot of money so I decided to buy me a sports bra at Target on the off chance that I join the gym this week. OMG!! I feel like I have a vise around my chest!!


Ummm, do you think it has anything to do with the fact that they didn't have sports bras for the heftier woman that I am so I just got a size Large in the regular department???

I came, I saw, I conquered!

I got off to a false start this morning - thought I'd try to reach my trail from another angle but ended up going around in circles for about 30 minutes! - but I finally found the suspension bridge. :)

Was the bridge as wonderful as I had anticipated? No, but it was fun to jump on and make it sway. And it could have been worse - after all, about 500 feet from where I turned around last weekend I came to this rinky dinky bridge and I thought it was bridge I'd been searching for the last few weeks! But after continuing on for what felt like 5 or 6 miles, but was in reality only about 1/2 mile I came to the actual suspension bridge.

The rest of the trail was a killer! I swear it was straight up the whole way back except for one little section where it was straight down. I thought I was going to DIE. And have I mentioned the big fallen tree?? I was too tired to try to jump up on it to crawl over it so I took the low road and went under it. And I went under it with very little grace and dignity!!! This was of course during the little section where the trail went straight down. I ended up flat on my face, sliding under the tree and down the incline!! The good news was that I could "feel" that I was near the end so the fact that I was covered in dirt with sweat trails running down my dirty face and dead gnats in between my teeth (I was doing most of my breathing from my mouth because I was so out of breath) didn't bother me one bit.

Now I'm off to figure out how many calories gnats have so that I can log them into my fitday journal....

Woe Is Me

Since this blog is supposed to be about my weight loss journey, let me start by saying that due to my little journey off the beaten path last week I managed to gain 2.5 lbs. But the good news is that I got right back up, dusted myself off and jumped on the tracks again. So far I've lost 1-1/2 lbs and I'm hoping that by tomorrow I will at least be back where I was last week but I'm optimistic enough that I'm still hoping for a small loss.

Enough about weight loss! I hate getting old! Yesterday I went on my 4th journey up to the nature center a few miles from me. I've gone out there the last 4 Sundays to get in some walking. They have 7 or 8 trails ranging from .75 to 4 miles. The first week I just went on 3 of the smaller trails - by the time I had walked 2 I had worked in a total of 3 miles. Not bad considering we're talking hills! The second week I went out with the intention of finding the trail that had the 150' suspension bridge. I ended up walking about 5 miles, but never could find a trail that took me to the trail that the suspension bridge was on. The third week was more of the same. So yesterday I headed out early to beat the heat. And I finally found the right trail!!! (You had to go on this trail until you saw an unmarked path that took you to another unmarked path, which in turn took you to yet another unmarked path...and that path ended on the correct path!!). The problem was, I'm getting old! I drank 20 oz of water riding my stationary bike, I drank another 20 oz while I was getting ready (and doing laundry) and then I took another liter bottle with me on my hike. Need I say more??? Before I got half way to the bridge my kidneys were going "I gotta pee!". But I said, "You can hold it in a little longer". OK - no problem, except the trail is getting steeper and the trail isn't cleared as well as the baby trails were which meant that I was having to crawl over down trees and whack my way through vines. Each big movement like a jump over a tree truck or a trip over tree root made my kidneys scream a little louder. So...this is a trail in the forest. There are a lot of trees around. I had a Kleenex in my pocket. I haven't seen a soul since I started out. My thought was to make like a Girl Scout and find a big tree. :) Sounds like a good plan doesn't it? Only about that time a man popped out of the woods from another trail! So I kept walking. I got a little distance between me and the man and started scoping out for another nice big tree. ONLY to have yet another man WITH BINOCULARS! coming in the opposite direction!! Can I not have any privacy in the freaking woods???!!!!! After a few more minutes I consult with my map. It appeared that I still had about 15-20 minutes until I would reach the bridge. I'm sad to say, but I had to make an executive decision to go ahead and turn around at that point. I felt that I could hold it in another 45 minutes (that's how long I'd been walking at that point), but there was absolutely no way I could hold it in another hour plus!

Next weekend I'm going to find that bridge and I won't be drinking any water beforehand!!

Soooo bad!

I knew it would happen, I just didn't realize that when it happened it would be this bad! Seven months and one week...that's how long I've been on program. During that time I've had 3 "bad" days which consisted of going over my calorie limit by up to 100 calories (actually I think one of them was 200 calories - but still all in all not too bad!) This morning I left early because it was one of my co-workers birthday and I was going to stop and get her a doughnut. I even remembered to bring the candle, the treat bag to put it in and the ribbon to tie the bag with. One frigging doughnut, that's all I was going for.

The next thing I knew I was eating the doughnut!!!! And I don't even like doughnuts that much!!! And then the day really went downhill. I don't know if I'm even going to log it all in, but guessing I would say that I've consumed close to 3000 calories today. I'm physically sick. For the first time in months I've had to take Tums. I eaten more today than I would have in 2+ days!

I'm not mad at myself. I am however a little disappointed in myself. I've locked myself upstairs in my bedroom with no food to tempt me. But the overwhelming emotion I'm feeling right now is fear. It snowballed so fast today. I have confidence that I'll get back on track tomorrow but I can't help worrying about the next time.

Creative Cravings Cures

Remember the old Food Pyramid chart? Because of that chart I grew up believing that pizza was the perfect food.

• Bread - pizza crust
• Veggies - tomato sauce, green pepper, onions and mushrooms
• Dairy - cheese, lots of cheese!
• Meat - why pepperoni of course, with the occasional change to sausage and the even rarer pepperoni AND sausage.

But woe is me - the powers to be don't agree with me. Now to make it a "good" food, it would have to be a whole wheat pizza crust, no pepperoni and definitely no sausage and don't even think of adding cheese! Don't get me wrong - a tasty meal can be made with the whole wheat crust, tomatoes and veggies and fat free Parmesan cheese. It's just not PIZZA!

But I digress. Today I was on a quest to find a really good chocolate craving food. And this is what I came up with...

1 dark chocolate candy bar - 190 calories, 12 g fat, 2 g protein.
2 T Better N Peanut Butter - 100 calories, 3 g fat, 4 g protein.
1 cup Fiber One - 120 calories, 2 g fat, 4 g protein.

Melt the chocolate candy bar and the peanut butter in the microwave
Mix in the Fiber One cereal
Drop by Tablespoon onto wax paper.

This makes 6 mounds.
68 calories
2.8 g fat
1.6 g protein
5.2 g of fiber

What more could you ask for when you're craving chocolate but you don't want to blow everything? And if you're really craving chocolate you could even eat 1/2 the batch while keeping your calories below what the candy bar alone would have run without the added perks of the additional fiber and protein!

Now ask me if I'd rather have this than a big 'ol slice of cake with chocolate icing!! I wish I could say yes, but I don't like to lie. Now ask me if I would choose that piece of cake right now, right this minute. Nope - it ain't happening. (Of course to be honest, I don't have a piece of cake in front of me to prove it to you!)

Neglect

This is my #1 Neopet, Baabett - ain't she a doll??? I don't know if I've ever mentioned it, but I'm addicted to a website call Neopets. I've been playing on that site for over 6 years now and even though they recently upgraded the site so that now NONE of my hard written HTML and CSS coding work and ALL of my detailed graphics won't work correctly, I still love the site! Unfortunately this week they added a game called Roodoku which is based on the game Sudoku...just with Neopet flavor. I swear everytime I get near the computer my mouse just heads on over to the site for another round of Roodoku - (I'm getting better at it) and I'm basically negelecting everything else!

Now on to real news...

1) I'm .2 (I really do have a love/hate relationship with this number!) away from my 75 lb. loss goal.
2) I only lost 5 lbs for the month of April. :(
3) I had my appointment with the Endocrinologist today. Unfortunately, the Graves Disease is not in remission so I have to continue taking the meds. :( The good news is that my T4 (I get the T's confused so that may not be the right one and I'm too lazy to walk downstairs!) remained the same - so at least I'm not any worse than I was back in December.
4) My arms still hurt from where they tried to get my blood pressure readings! They use the automated machine - all they do is put the cuff on and then press the start button. My BP is normally on the low end - and the hypothyroid also helps lower BP sometimes. So we spent about 15 minutes while the machine kept trying to re-read my BP because it wasn't ready to accept it. The machine finally spit out my readings. (89/58 in case you're interested. :)
5) I had given up, and was mentally already in the drivers seat revving the engine for Sulkfest 2007 because Dr. Shenoy didn't notice that I had lost weight. BUT then as we were packing up he said "Melissa, don't think that I haven't noticed that you've lost A LOT of weight - I just wanted to get all the test results out of the way before I commented on it....followed by a lot more blah, blah, blah it can be harder blah, blah, blah, blah, doing a great job blah, blah, blah, blah and keep up the good work!

Ok - I'm tired and I need to go try to beat my Roodoku score one more time!


Baabett's image: ©TM & © Neopets Inc.
www.neopets.com

Not as I pictured it

A couple of years ago when I was successfully losing weight I had to break down and buy new undies. This time around I've been refusing to buy any new clothing, including any intimate apparel- I was forcing myself to make do with the clothing that I had previously. Or at least I did until yesterday. I got back my tax refund check and decided to splurge on some new panties.

For the Grey's Anatomy fans - think back to the episode where we saw Callie in her hidden hospital basement room (I still don't understand why she was living in that hole in the wall when she is rich!). She was dancing in her undies...specifically she was dancing while wearing boyshorts panties. Ever since I saw that episode I have wanted some boyshorts. And even though I know I'm a lot bigger than she is, I wanted to look like her in my boyshorts - or at least a chunkier version of her. I have to say....I love my boyshorts! They are so comfortable!

But I look nothing like Callie or even a chunkier Callie!!!

(to refesh your memory - here's a short video. Not the best I could find, but it was the only one with the actual song "The Mating Game" on it and I love that song!)

Uh, Oh....

The Chihuahua ate the guinea pig and then threw up!

I'm not sure when it happened, but I must have eaten something with a LOT of sodium in it because my ankles were HUGE this morning! And my scale noticed those thick ankles by showing a slight gain this morning - you got it... .2!

Am I upset? Nope
Am I worried? Nope
Am I going to squash that .2 gain? Hell yes!


I love Wednesdays!

I'm A Whinner....ummm....I mean I'm A Winner!!

Woohoo! Down 2.6 lbs this week. Ok, the Woohoo! was a little sarcastic, but I actually am happy....more like a woohoo with less volume (woohoo). This loss officially put me at the 70 lb mark so that's good.

1 guinea pig + 1 ostrich egg + 1 chihuahua + 1 elephant penis = 70 lbs.

I have my appointment with my endocrinologist the first week of May and with any luck I will get the official news that my Graves Disease is in remission. Keeping my fingers crossed! I'd love to get off the meds and maybe my thyroid will revert back to normal instead of it's current hypo status. Since I had no cable or Internet this weekend, and I had to stick by the house "just in case" the cable company could come out early I spent most of my weekend cleaning. And in the process of cleaning I not only shredded all my bank statements from the 80's but I found my old WW booklets from 2003-2004 (not to mention the one from Jan 2005 - Feb 2005, the one from June 2005 - August 2005 and the one from May 2006 - July 2006!).

Below is my loss/gains between 2/12/04 and 4/17/04:

-4.4
-2.6
-1.2
-2.2
-1.8
-3.4
-5.2
-3.8
- .8 (what happened to me that week I have to wonder!)

Do you notice anything missing from those numbers (besides the fact that I didn't have a gain)???

That stupid .2 that seems to haunt me these days!

Just How Lost Was I?

I came home Thursday to find that my internet and TV were both out! Thursday is my favorite TV night, and I can't seem to focus on anything when I don't at least have background noise from the TV going on. And not being about to get on the internet...well, you might as well have broken all my fingers! I tried reading with the radio as background noise and I tried sleeping with the radio as background noise. But the only station I could get was one that played songs from the 70's and I found myself trying to remember words and singing along with the songs instead of reading/sleeping. The first appointment opening the cable company had was for this morning between 10-12 (of course, they didn't make it here until 2:15). It turns out that they accidently disconnected my service instead of my neighbors (this is the 3rd time that has happened since I've bought my townhouse). But after 3-1/2 days without TV or internet I'm back up and running!

I log in my calories & exercise online so I'm days behind and at this point I'm hoping that I haven't gone over any of the days that I was without a computer. I should be ok, but it is so easy to get off track when you do things one way and then are suddenly forced to go back to the old fashioned way - it's so easy to forget to write down the unexpected/unplanned items (like that extra package of oatmeal I ate on Friday because I was still hungry at 10...better write that one down right now!!). But the scales are looking good so far (good, not great!) so I'm assuming that I stayed within my calorie range.

Pulled from Sparkpeople

Do You Suffer from Diet Rage?

Rules of the Road to Help You Reach Your Destination

-- By Mike Kramer, Staff Writer

After slowing down to an unexplained stop for the 147th time in the space of 2 miles, I decided that I hated the world. Surrounding me were an ocean of maddening brake lights, rain pelting the windshield and thousands of tons of steel and fiberglass flung around by a clueless pack of selfish morons who obviously didn’t know the first thing about driving!!

It was in serious danger of ruining my whole day.

Is there anything more frustrating than being bogged down in traffic? Most all of us have been there before. That discouraged, fed up feeling that just makes us want to throw up our hands in surrender or lay them on the horn.

Thankfully, I stopped muttering helplessly and started thinking instead. And I realized that I often witness another type of "road rage" – the frustration that builds on the road to weight loss: Diet Rage.

Think about your dieting history. Does it give you the same feeling as an exasperating traffic jam? You never quite get where you want to go as fast as you want to get there. You get aggravated, yell (usually at yourself), and see people in other lanes going faster than you (how do they DO that?!), and it usually ends up ruining your day.

Here’s the lesson: Getting frustrated with your diet does no more good than getting frustrated in traffic. It just makes you unhappy, unsuccessful and tense.

By the time I got to work (it was a long commute), I noticed a lot of things that we, as weight loss veterans, can learn from traffic jams. Next time you start to feel frustrated with your weight loss progress, keep these "lessons of the road" in mind:

• Pay less attention to how much further you have to travel. Stop asking yourself "are we there yet?" You’ll get there when you get there. Instead, look at the scenery, think about life, carry on a conversation, sing along with the radio, or simply be thankful for how far you’ve come.
  
• The journey is always more fun with a passenger. Have you asked anyone along for the ride?
  
• You know the route you need to take to reach your weight loss goals. It’s already mapped out. As long as you stay pointed in the right direction, you’ll get there. Even in the worst traffic jams, you still get to your destination at some point. It’s the same way with dieting – just a matter of time. It may take longer than you first expected, but you will get there.
  
• There will always be periods of stopping and starting. It’s something that you should just anticipate and allow for. No use getting upset or stressed about not making progress. It’s a normal part of the journey.
  
• Sometimes, you’ve just gotta go with the flow of what’s going on around you. Life can present some situations that you really can’t do anything about. When that happens, staying straight and steady – doing the best that you can – will keep you on track and sane. In traffic, impatient people stop, change lanes, weave in and out of other cars, driving themselves and everyone else crazy – and in the end, usually don’t get any farther along than you do by staying put and going with the flow.
  
• Shortcuts never work.
  
• Driving too fast is dangerous. That’s why they call it "crash" dieting. Slow down, take what life gives you, and make sure you arrive at your destination in good health.

I finally did get to my destination after all. Hands were pried away from the steering wheel, teeth were unclenched, and a few aspirin were popped. Of course, people in the cars around me probably had a good laugh at my arm-waving and soundless yelling. Funny how we can lose our senses when faced with something that frustrates us, whether it’s traffic or our diets.

Thanks to these insights, my story had a happy ending. Hopefully, remembering these rules will help you reach your destination sooner – and more content – than you expected.

I'm Back!

OK, I'm happy to report that it was early PMS! I've probably had one of the most consistent menstrual cycle in the whole world all of my life. It never effected my weight. It never effected my moods. Then about two years ago my periods stopped (I thought "Yea! I'm finally going through menopause!") and I started getting moody. It turned out that the Graves Disease was playing tricks on my body and wrecking havoc on me. Since being on meds I've resorted back to my old ways until this month. I have my 4 month follow visit early May, so I'll check with my doctor to see if this could be another result of the Graves - or a result of the meds that I'm taking (which hopefully I will be able to discontinue next month!)

Now, it's with great sadness that I have to report a .2 lb gain. I'm not too worried about it because I know that I stuck with my program last week. I'd feel better if my ankles were swollen because then I could blame it on fluid, but no such luck. Oh, well! There's always next week.

And on a totally different note - I get emails from Prevention daily. Yesterday I got one with a link to some games that are supposed to keep your mind young. I was so bad at them! And I'm addicted to them even though I'm bad at them!! So, I'm going to go play some more. Who knows - maybe if I play enough I'll actually get the hang of them!

Melancholy

I hope I'm going through an early PMS.

• Everything thing someone says to me almost brings me to tears - if in fact it doesn't bring me to tears. I know they don't mean things the way I'm taking them. Just for today, I feel like I don't count.
• Everything that someone says to someone else that could possibly be construed as a slight towards me is being taken as such - even if in my saner moments I would realize that they don't mean it that way. Just for today, I don't think they think about me at all.
• Everything indicates that I am invisible to the majority of the people out in places where I continuously try to belong. Just for today, I just don't know why I bother.

It boils down to this....

I am nobody today.

Maybe I'll be someone tomorrow.

A Fat Rant.

A video by Joy Nash.

Zittity Do Da

As you might be able to establish from the title...today's topic is Zit's!!!

I have one!!!

It's huge!!!!

Why is it fair that at my age I have a zit the size of Montana on my face??? I think it's punishment for living the first 30 years of my life relatively zitless. But when you think about it, haven't I been punished enough because I've had to deal with being overweight all my life? (Except those few months in 1979 of course...ahhh, the memories.)

I can't wait to see what my 50's are going to bring....30's brought out the zits and my 40's saw the emergence of the little black hairs that sprout on my chin overnight. At this point I'm leaning towards my teeth spontaneously falling out or a new embarrassing Georgia law named Melissa’s Law about breasts having to be on leashes if they droop too far or swing too wide.

I love Mondays!

Today was a new day! I took all my goodies into work and with the exception of the candy (keep in mind, I spent $100+ on the candy for the whole office so there was quite a bit of it) and 4 sugar cookies all the food was gone by 10 this morning! Both the food for the office and the bunny bags for the girls were big hits!!

And the office is back to normal - I actually managed to get some of my work done for a change!!! And I got even more done since I was so busy venting in my last post that I completely forgot to change my clock back so I ended up getting up at 3 instead of 4.

Program wise, I've done great today. Water, food and exercise - all accounted for and I feel good that I'm back in focus. WI is tomorrow. I'm still playing the "I'm going to be ticked no matter what" ticket, but I'm actually looking forward to getting it over with.

What A Week!

My weekend will be over in less than 4 hours and I'm already exhausted! One of the girls was out of the office last week - end of the month, end of the quarter - holy crap! What a time to take a week off!! We had known about this for over 2 months. For over 2 months I tried to get her to show me some of the things that she does so that I could help out. For over 2 months she came up with excuse after excuse not to show me. Then the last week prior to her vacation she decided to show me the commissions end of it - ONCE!!! Each frigging order is different, there was no way that I could learn enough to feel comfortable with one run through. Then on the next to the last day, she decided to show me how to drop orders...of course she didn't have any examples so we "pretended" to have an order and she TALKED me through the steps. And on the last day - at 4:00 she showed me how to place replacement orders - I use the term show losely because she was going so fast that I know I missed half of it (luckily, a few months ago I happened to find some instructions with screen shots that the vendor had printed up so I feel very comfortable on this step thanks to those instructions).

Monday I went in at my normal time (I techinically work from 8:30-5, but I've always started work by 7:15). The day was a little hectic, but I managed to keep up. The problem was that I knew that each day closer to the end of the week there would be more orders to be installed, dropped or incoming because all the reps want to get paid their quarterly bonus. So Tuesday I went in at 6:30. I was right about the week getting worse - all hell broke lose. The girl that was completing the leasing worksheets (which I would have felt comfortable doing even though I haven't been trained on it - very similiar to the proceedure I used at my other company and the same leasing company) and placing the orders kept asking me questions on how to do this or that (keep in mind I have no training on placing the orders at all!). Or she would ask something like "do we need to order XYZ for this company?" - which wasn't a problem EXCEPT she didn't tell me who "this" company was and she didn't bring the file so I had no idea who or what she was talking about. (She's been doing that job for 4 years BTW.) So the rest of the week, I was at my desk by 5:30-5:45. I wasn't taking my lunch break (a couple of days I did walk to the breakroom, get my salad out of the fridge and eat my salad as I walked back to my desk). Instead of going to the bathroom every hour the way I normally do because I drink so much water I found that I was going to the restroom once, maybe twice during the day because 1) I wasn't drinking as much water - I just didn't seem to have the time and 2) when I did have the urge to pee I was holding it because I kept getting interrupted or I kept remembering something else I had to do. When I came home I was so tired that I was either going straight to bed, or I was fixing something quick in the microwave. Friday finally came. Yea!!! I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a day end!!! Of course, one of the girls in the office wanted me to come in Saturday because she wanted to work but she didn't want to have to work alone. Not going to happen!!!

So that was my week last week. Why am I still exhaused you ask? Because I realized that next week is Easter which meant that I needed to get my bunny bags filled, and it means that I had to make my sugar cookies, M&M cookies, carrot muffins and my strawberry and peach danishes to take into work tomorrow! So yesterday was a day for shopping (I had to go to three different grocery stores before I found all of the items I needed) and I went to WalMart, Target, CVS and Walgreens to get the Easter candy for the bunny bags (one of the girls in the office doesn't like chocolate....Gads!! But she loves Twix bars so I was trying to find some Twix bars in Easter wrapping. I finally found them at Walgreens (the last place I stopped). And then I remembered that I wanted to get Skittles for one of my favorite service techs because they are his favorite so I had to go back to CVS since Walgreens didn't have them. Then it was over to the fabric store to get some "Easterly" ribbon to go on the basket (I decided at the last minute to get enough candy to put a big basket in the breakroom for everyone). I finally got everything that I could possibly need (or so I thought). After arriving back home I started sanitizing the kitchen (wipe down all the counters, sweep & mop the kitchen floor. At that point I realized that I forgot to get gloves and hairnets (I know it sounds silly, but when I'm cooking for people that aren't family or close friends I always wear gloves just like the ones they wear at Subway, and so that there is absolutely no way that any hairs can fall into the food I wear a hairnet and I buy at new t-shirt to wear. I think that is very considerate of me, don't you??) And I also realized that I didn't have enough containers. So it was back on the road. Then it was time to start. Last night I made the M&M cookies and baked them. And I made up the dough for the sugar cookies (they have to chill overnight).

Today I've spent the day doing laundry, making the carrot muffins, rolling, cutting out and baking the sugar cookies and then after a little break (where I ran up to the store again for another bag of candy since I didn't quite have enough) I came back to finish off the menu - the danishes. This would have been much quicker, but for some reason I had my mind set that they had to be shaped like Easter eggs. After I'd lay down the bottom layers I cut out the top layer and then cut out the center of that layer, spread the cream cheese mixture, dollop the strawberry or peach filling, and then....decision time - is this the pointy end of the top egg layers or the rounded bottom end???? With the center cut out of it, it made it really flimsy and by the time I started to place it on top it would start to wobble. Towards the end I swear I was just throwing the damn things down and where ever it landed was where it was going to stay!!!

I finished! Everything looks good. And yes, everything tastes good (I had a bite of everything just to make sure). Everything is in it's container ready to go out the door in the morning. I'm soooo tired. And now I'm so distraught! I just realized that my TV and clocks automatically set themselves forward an hour because it was supposed to be the beginning of daylight saving time today!!! I was ready to go to bed!!!! But it's not even 8 now!!!

On the weight front - I've been eating poorly this past week. Most days I was lucky to get in 1000 calories. I've been exercising poorly. Most days I only got in 30 minutes and there were at least 3 days when I got in zippo, nada, ziltch! I haven't eaten enough veggies. I haven't drank enough water. I haven't weighed so I'm curious to see how the lack of calories combined with the lack of exercise is going to effect my WI on Tuesday. But me being me, I'm going to be ticked off no matter what. I'm going to be ticked off if I maintain....because I didn't eat. I'm going to be ticked off if I gain....because I didn't eat. And I'm going to be ticked off if I lose....because it would just prove that if I starve myself it can be done!! Of course, I think I'll get over being ticked off faster with option #3. :D

And some may wonder - why am I buying and baking so much tempting food when I'm trying to lose weight??? It's because I eat vicariously thought other people. It actually helps me stay away from certain food items that I might want if I can see others eating it. I always keep a bowl of candy on my desk for the other employees and I'm never tempted to eat any of it unless no one eats it (which hasn't happened yet!).

WI Eve

I'm dreading tomorrow. I've been OP all week, but as of this morning I am back to where I ended last week. AND ever since my last WI I have been losing and gaining the same .2 lbs. Needless to say I'm finding it hard to stay motivated. Note....I'm finding it hard to stay motivated does not mean I'm not still motivated!!!! I'm going to keep my fingers crossed but I'm not expecting anything as today was super hectic at work and that means that my calorie intake was very low which usually throws my metabolism into a tail spin.

On the non-diet front...

• The pollen count today was 5,499. Yes, that's correct - 5,499! My dark green car is yellow, my eyes are red and my runny nose is producing green snot. Did I mention that my sinus are backed up below my knees! Even my toes are hurting from the sinus pressure!!
  
• I have finished my bunny bags with the exception of threading the ribbon through the bag openings. One of them has it's little face on backwards (the ribbon for the bag should tie at the back of the bag - this one will tie in the front of the bag - think "bunny with hair ribbon!"). I'll give that one to J because she doesn't know if she's coming or going half the time so I'm sure she will develop a kinship with the backwards bunny!
  
• Tigerlilly Furbella suffered a Myocardial Infraction when her "starter" battery gave out, but she is much better now thanks to 2 new D batteries. So much for them telling me the batteries lasted for months and months!
  
• The ants on are the move. Yes, the weather is getting hot (I can't believe how hot it is getting already!!!). And when the weather gets hot (and dry) the ants make their way indoors. I came home from a long day at work to find the ants marching from the french doors in the dining room all the way into the kitchen. Of course that ticked me off because I was really looking forward to actually getting a chance to eat today and because of them I couldn't fix dinner!!! Or maybe I should say because of the ant spray I sprayed all over the floor I couldn't fix dinner. I sprayed so much that I'll be lucky if it's dry in the morning! As it is, my already runny eyes because of the pollen are now swollen shut because of the spray!!!

I'm hungry and I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed. :)

The "F" Word

That's right, it's time to talk about Farts! And don't even pretend that you don't fart. You may be good at holding in farts - more power to you! But the little gassy inmates sentenced for a stay in your intestines will make a prison break as soon as you relax so don't even think about going to sleep!!!

Why am I on the subject of farts? Because I was in great pain for two days this week with what I call "stomach farts". Stomach farts start in your stomach (duh) and set up camp because the gas takes the wrong fork in the road on its journey to the butt. It reached unbelievable proportions. The noise that my stomach made caused my co-workers to look up and ask "is that thunder?". Bending over was a risky situation because I never could tell when the movement would cause my roll of belly fat to push the gassy substance down for an ill-timed release (needless to say - there was a trail following me around as I wasn't all that eager to bend over to pick up anything I may have dropped if there was anyone around). When I had to pee I had to fight the urge to stand up and pee – because I knew as soon as I sat down on the toilet air would rush out of my anal opening (and there was no controlling the “noise level” that might ensue). I was coughing, opening and closing my desk drawers unnecessarily and generally talking much louder than normal with the sole purpose of covering up any noise that may be coming from my body.

Happily, I'm now all better. And I learned a lesson.... even if you're already getting in a good dose of fiber a day, don't decide to suddenly start eating multiple servings of Fiber One cereal in one fell swoop! You've got to build up to it!!!

It's Official

.2

This sucks!

To get dressed or to not get dressed...

It is now 3:05 and I'm still running around the house in my gown and robe! I did brush my teeth, but I haven't taken a shower, brushed my hair or put on makeup (what a pretty picture!). I had planned on going out an running errands but then I started working on cutting out the feet, hands, ears and all the circles for "paws" for my bunny bags. That lead me to testing out one to see what it was going to look like if I sew them all by hand. It took me 30 minutes alone just to sew up one bunny (this doesn't include the time it takes to cut the fabric or to make all the arms, feet and ears). (And I'll mention at this point - the bag I cut out was too small - or else everything else I'd cut out was too big so I'm going to have to re-cut a larger bag pattern.) So that lead me downstairs to where I thought my sewing machine was stored. It was down in the hall closet - the machine was on the floor, the peddle was up on the top shelf (why? I have no idea). Finding the sewing machine lead me to setting it up. Setting it up lead me to trying to figure out how to load the bobbin. Trying to figure out how to load the bobbin lead me to open up the cover only to have everything in there fall out - BEFORE I EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE BEFORE THE CONTRAPTION DECIDED TO MAKE LIKE DOMINO'S! That lead me to 30 minutes of frantically looking for the operational booklet (I never found it). So after another 30 minutes I finally got the bobbin back in where it belonged (with the thread on it that was on it in the first place - since I had that much trouble just trying to get the bobbin in place and since it actually matched the fabric that I was using I decided to stick with it). Then I needed to thread the machine. I threaded this way, then that way but no matter what I did I couldn't get the needle to move up and down when I pressed the peddle. I was able to get it to go up and down by manually turning the wheel. I've left everything set up downstairs - maybe tomorrow I'll feel like tackling it again but for now I'm totally fed up. At this point I'm just going to stick to my original plan of sewing the bags by hand. If I were only 20 years younger I bet I could remember what I'd learned in the two years of sewing lessons my mother made me take!

Diet wise I'm hanging in there. I was up a couple of ounces this morning, but nothing like what I went through the week before last. I'm probably not going to have a huge loss this week but I'm pretty comfortable that I will lose at least a pound. (Which will officially put me at losing that elephant's penis that I've been aiming for as a short term goal!).

Now I'm off for that shower so that I can at least do something productive today. :)

By the way - my kitty is officially named......

Tigerlily Furbella

It's time for me to see a shrink!

Good news. :( I lost 3.6 this past week. That is in fact good news, yet I'm not excited about it. I really was hoping to make up for the gain last week - in other words I really wanted to lose at least 5 lbs this past week. It was not to be and I should be grateful for the loss. I'm not grateful yet, but I'm sure the next time I have a small gain or an even smaller loss I will remember what an ungrateful bitch I was today and I will say thank goodness for that 3.6 lb loss! I think I need a shrink because I can't help comparing my loses with everyone else! I know that everyone loses at different rates. I know that my medication for the Graves Disease has slowed down my thyroid to an all time low so it's going to be harder for me to lose. And I know that it's not good to lose weight too fast anyway. But bottom line - I want the numbers to go down, and down fast!!!!

Food wise - I met a friend for dinner tonight. It was planned. And in my planning I knew that I would go over my maximum calorie limit today. I rode the bike for a full hour this morning to help offset some of the extra calories. I did 30 minutes of Kick Boxing when I got home to help burn even more of the extra calories. And (this is a biggie) I got in my 10,000 steps today!! And I just plugged in everything I ate today in my FitDay journal...

I only consumed 1340 calories!!!

So I didn't go over my 1500 max limit!!! Yeah me!!!!

Now I have to go name my cat. I never got around to spending my $100 from my last pity party (gosh, I'm getting good about pity parties) so tonight I bought myself a silly, tacky, stupid _______ (fill in your own adjective) gift. I love animals, but it wouldn't be fair to have a pet since I work so much and I live in a townhouse so I don't have a proper yard. Tonight I found one of those stuffed cats - you know the ones that from a distance actually looks like a cat but once you get close to it...well it looks like a stuffed animal. But this one had a twist (at least I had never seen it before) - it's little side goes up and down like she's breathing! I got the little orange Tabby and when she breaths it makes her stripes move - and you can see it even from across the room!!! I actually wanted the Golden Retriever puppy but they didn't have one in a box and I wanted the whole shebang! And now that I've seen the website I think I want one of the little Pugs or the Chihuahua's so I may end up spending my whole $100 on perfectpetzzzz's.

If you wanna see my little kitty go to Perfect Petzzz!

Hmmmm - I won't be buying another little tyke on-line. I only paid $28 for my little tabby. She must have been the runt of the litter. LOL

Get over it!

I'm done sulking (this time anyway). I ended last week with a gain. It was a small gain (.2) but I resented the crap out of it since I'd worked so hard. But it could have been worse because the day before WI, I was actually up 2.4 lbs! This week has been pretty much more of the same. I did finally lose 2 whole lbs. But then yesterday I had gained all of it back except .2 - what is it with the .2???

Total lost in February was a measly old 6.2 lbs. The good news - even with the gain and with the overall (in my opinion) small February loss I stuck with my program!

Now this is pathetic...There is a girl at work. 5'9" tall. She weighs maybe 125 lbs but that would be stretching it to the max! She thinks she is overweight and she wants to lose 10 lbs. I don't have a problem with that. I may not agree but if she would be happier with herself losing 10 lbs so be it. So on Tuesday she came in with her SlimFast for breakfast & lunch and her carrots for a snack. For dinner she is still eating as she had in the past and she is still drinking her beer(s) nightly. Here comes the pathetic part.... Yesterday (Friday - 3 full days into her new diet plan!!) one of the other girls in the office said "WOW! I can tell you've already lost weight!!!" WTF???!!! I've lost 55 lbs and no one has noticed a thing, yet this skinny little twit can be on what amounts to probably a 1800-2000 calorie diet with no exercise and in 3 days people can tell a difference??? Oh how unfair can life be! :P

The good news is that it got me out of my funk and I'm mentally back into the battle!

On the 5th day...

Still up. :( But what really gets me is that for the second month in a row I'm not going to hit my monthly 10 lb loss goal - which means that I'm probably not going to reach the goal I set for October (niece's wedding).

On the good news side, I ate according to plan yesterday and I couldn't find anything that I really wanted to buy yesterday so I'm still $100 richer. I checked out another DVD at the library yesterday (this one is a boot camp kick boxing DVD) and did 40 minutes of it, along with 30 minutes of the yoga DVD and 30 minutes on the bike. So I can at least honestly say that I'm not losing because I'm not trying! So far today I've had 40 oz of water, an apple and a cup of milk. I've done 20 minutes of kickboxing and cleaned the kitchen. Now I'm going to work on some stuff that I brought home from work. Then I'll exercise some more and have a piece of the whole wheat pizza with veggies and ff parmasian cheese on it that I made (and froze) two weeks ago.

Saturday Setback Surmount

For the 4th day in a row the scales are showing a gain for me. I really hoped that when I woke up this morning and stepped on the scale I would at least be back down to my official beginning weekly weigh-in weight but it wasn't to be. In the past (and I have to admit even last night) my thoughts would have turned to comfort food - if I'm going to gain then I should at least get the satisfaction of eating something "bad". And by now I would have been planning on what food I was going to indulge in. But I got up this morning and I've decided to comfort myself in some other way - a way that doesn't involve food. I'm going to exchange one bad habit for another bad habit....I'm going to go buy myself a non-edible present! I'm going to limit myself to $100, but I'm hitting the buy road!

As far as my weekly goals go I'm not doing great, but I'm not doing too badly either.

• Meds - I've taken my meds every day (which could explain the gain since it is a anti-thyroid medication)
• Exercise - I'm still getting in my 1 hour a day and not all of it was on the stationary bike (but honestly I still need to get off the bike more!). I checked out a yoga DVD from the library and includes 2 different levels for the different poses so I'm able to pick the level that works best for my decrepit body. And I purchased a cardio DVD from Walmart - it has 3 people doing the exercises at different levels so again I'm able to pick the one that works best for me.
• Diet - I've done much better on the eating out this week. My original goal at the beginning of the year was to limit myself to eating out no more than 2 times per week and I've only eaten out once this week.

Now I'm off to spend money!

Tuesday's Blather

Blather - to talk or utter foolishly, blither, babble. I love that word! Actually it could be believed that if there was a picture in the dictionary beside blather it would be yours truly! :D

I had a plumbing problem this weekend. (I'm talking toilet plumbing, not female plumbing). I hate owning a house because I can't stand worrying about all the things that could go wrong. But here I am - a homeowner. I decided to get up off of my butt and actually clean all the bathrooms here. So I poured the toilet bowl cleaner into the bowl, swished it around and went to flush. The water came up, and up, and up some more! It stopped right at the rim so at least I didn't have a mess on the floor. I couldn't (and still can't) imagine what could have been stopping it up because it was the one that is basically only used for company. My nifty little plunger did nothing to resolve the problem. So like a good girl, I shut the door. I have other bathrooms so why not just leave it alone and hope that it fixes itself - or at least leave it alone until the next batch of company comes to visit. Of course, the next morning I was filled with remorse not because anything awful happened overnight, but because as a homeowner it is my responsibility to get these things taken care of. So I pulled out the yellow pages with the intention of calling a plumber. But then I remembered that I'm actually kind of cheap. So last night I stopped at Home Depot and bought myself a auger. I love toys! You would have thought it would have been a disgusting situation with all kinds of gross things coming up out of the toilet but nothing repulsive came back up (a little loose TP, but that was it). It was like fishing in a small pond. I had so much fun that I went "fishing" in all three toilets even though I only had a problem with the one toilet. Me and my auger - what a team!

The Week In Review

I've been exhausted all week. It's been all I can do to get through the work day. I haven't felt like cooking, I can't concentrate on books or TV and I've been having terrible mood swings. All I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep. I was starting to think that I was going through some type of Post PMS but I just realized that I have only taken my meds three times this week! Grrrr! I'm not old enough to be that forgetful! Hopefully now that I've been reminded of the consequences of not taking my pills daily I will get back on track.

Diet wise - as I indicated above, I haven't felt like cooking this week. So I've eaten out 4 times this week. I've made good choices so the week hasn't been a failure - baked chicken and fresh veggies at two of the outings, veggies only at the third outing and then a small chili from Wendy's for the fourth outing. But eating at home would have been healthier and it would have saved me some money. I'm not doing that great with my exercise either. I've gotten in a hour a day of exercise - but every bit of it was on the stationary bike! And when I spend that much time on the bike I start getting bored. Boredom = lower level on the bike and less MPH which = less calories burned!

My focus points for the coming week - take my medication, cook my own food and make sure that I do different types of exercise this week!


P.S. I just watched a tape of the Oprah show (ok, I wasn't really watching it, but it was playing in the background). But I did listen enough to catch a saying that I absolutely adore!

"Trying is just a dignified failure"

I will succeed in my focus points for the coming week!!

An Update For Those Who Live Vicariously Through Me

(Thanks Dana! I needed a laugh!)

This is my second attempt - I just typed a chapter, I swear it was a BIG chapter and my computer crashed!! So I'm going to type really fast so that I can get ready for Grey's Anatomy!

I've been in a pissy mood today because I received my 5th message from the legal firm that is representing my old company in a couple of lawsuits that some ex-employees have filed against them. First of all, all of that crap happened over 2 years ago. In that time it's been talked about so much that I couldn't tell you if I remember because I saw it or I remember because I heard other people talking about it. When the company sold off the Atlanta market to the company I work for now I lost access to the computer I used - and that computer had all the emails, spreadsheets and scanned documents that I would need to help me remember. But what really burns me is that they (the law firm for my ex-company) expects me to take time off work (which means that I would need to take vacation time) to drive to their office (which is 45 minutes from my office and 1-1/2 hours from home!) and my deposition should only take about 3 hours! That pretty much means that I have to take a full day off!!! To tell them "I don't remember", "I can't be sure" and "I don't know". And this is after I've already talked to them on the phone for two hours!!! And what really pissed me off is that they keep leaving the messages on my cell phone - I specifically told them that I only use my cell phone for emergencies. They used my home phone number to call me to talk about the case - why would they leave every message on my cell phone??? I literally use it for emergencies and to call my parents once or twice a month - the rest of the time I have it turned off!!! Wouldn't you think they would be smart enough to think "hmmmm, maybe I should try the home number"!!!

Moving on to another subject. I was trying to look up something in my old WW information so that I could answer a question for one of the members at the WW Online site. I found my membership books from 2003-2004 where I lost the 120 lbs. And I found the membership book from 2005 where I got kicked out of WW's. It was so strange looking at that book because I lost 61 lbs in 3 months! I really blew it! Not only did I gain back all of the weight from the 2003-2004 try, but I wasted some good months with the Graves disease - I could have really lost some major pounds while I was waiting for the test results to come back in and for the meds to slam the brakes on my thyrod. Now I'm hypo thanks to the meds and it's harder for me to lose - but never fear! I will succeed! And 50 lbs in 4 months isn't too shabby.

Ok, time to hit the road! I've started working on my annual bunny bags so I'll be cutting out feet while I'm watching Grey's tonight!

Ugggggg

Today it was snowing where I live. Snow - real snow - only happens here every two or three years. Normally what we get is wetness that freezes. So I got up at 4 so that I could leave by 5. Years ago I learned that I'm fine driving in snow and some ice as long as I have room to maneuver around. Leaving earlier, along with the fact that the majority of the people decided to stick tight to their home, gave me all the space that I needed. I actually only hit two bad areas. Now I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed that it stays above freezing (it was already 35 degrees driving home from work so I'm afraid that it might just slip below freezing). Needless to say, if it falls below freezing I will be going in late tomorrow because that will mean a lot of ice out there in the morning.

I had a rough day food wise. For the first time since Oct. 6th I went way over my calorie limit. With the exception of two days (where I overshot the 1500 limit by 20-50 calories) I have kept my calorie count below 1500 per day - and for the most part I average 1200- 1250 calories a day. Since we all made it in to work today the owner of the company I work for treated us to lunch at Applebee's. I should have gone with one of the items from the Weight Watchers menu, but I really wanted wings. So I ordered an appetizer order of the BBQ Boneless Wings. It was a huge serving, but I only ate 4 wings and the celery (not the ranch dressing) so it could have been worse. The rest I gave away to the skinny people that work in my office. (Everyone at my office is skinny - except you know who.) I plugged everything into my FitDay. (I had to try to recreate it since Applebee's doesn't offer nutritional information on any items except their WW items). Chicken wing, honey BBQ sauce, flour & egg to cover the "breaded" part of the wings, oil - lots of oil and it was a lot more than I had mentally figured! So today I've had my apple, celery, an instant oatmeal, carrots, 4 wings, a cup of milk and a WW Turkey frozen dinner (210 calories). And I've ended up around 1800 calories by my guesstimate (I did figure the wings on the high end so it may be a little less, but not much). There was a light at the end of the tunnel though - the wings had an effect on my digestive system so at least I'm not constipated any longer! LOL

Have you ever felt like this too?

For years my doctors blamed every illness, pain or symptom on my weight. And I don't know when it happened, but some where along the way I started agreeing. The attached is an article taken from a Salt Lake Tribune.

You're not sick...you're just fat

Weigh In

I'm down another 1.8 this week. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite enough to keep me on track for my goal of 10 lbs per month. February is a short month, but I'm going to have to try hard as heck to make up the difference because I really want to be in Onederland by October!!

Work wise, I'm exhausted! I keep running into road blocks and other obstacles along the way that completely wreck havoc with the progress I'd made with my project. But I am ultimately getting some where! And it's a challenge so I'm happy!

Diet and Exercise Myths

Woo Hoo! I was reading an article on Science Daily called Experts "Weigh In" on Popular Diet and Exercise Myths tonight and I was so happy to see #10...

You have to sweat to have a good workout.

False. Tyne says "Sweating is not necessarily an indicator of exertion--sweating is your body's way of cooling itself." It is possible to burn a significant number of calories without breaking a sweat: try taking a walk, or doing some light weight training or working out in a swimming
pool.

For some reason I've always followed the guidelines of "It's a great workout if..."

1. You have trouble talking while doing the exercise
2. You sweat

Now I can stop beating myself up when I don't break into a sweat while exercising!!

Fact or Fiction - ScienceDaily

Fugees

Sometimes all it takes is reading about a part of someone else's life to make me realize how silly I'm being for getting upset about losing only .2 - that there are some people that face bigger obstacles every day than I could ever imagine!!

Taken from the New York Times (it caught my eye because my first apartment was in Clarkston - ahhh, so many, many years ago.)

CLARKSTON, Ga., Jan. 20 — Early last summer the mayor of this small town east of Atlanta issued a decree: no more soccer in the town park.

“There will be nothing but baseball and football down there as long as I am mayor,” Lee Swaney, a retired owner of a heating and air-conditioning business, told the local paper. “Those fields weren’t made for soccer.”

In Clarkston, soccer means something different than in most places. As many as half the residents are refugees from war-torn countries around the world. Placed by resettlement agencies in a once mostly white town, they receive 90 days of assistance from the government and then are left to fend for themselves. Soccer is their game.

But to many longtime residents, soccer is a sign of unwanted change, as unfamiliar and threatening as the hijabs worn by the Muslim women in town. It’s not football. It’s not baseball. The fields weren’t made for it. Mayor Swaney even has a name for the sort of folks who play the game: the soccer people.

Caught in the middle is a boys soccer program called the Fugees — short for refugees, though most opponents guess the name refers to the hip-hop band.

Fungees Family soccer team website

The Daffodil Principle

Received via email...

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead "I will come next Tuesday", I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.

"Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!"

My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother." "Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her. "But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this."

"Carolyn," I said sternly, "Please turn around." "It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, " Daffodil Garden " We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.

It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.

"Who did this?" I asked Carolyn. "Just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house.

On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking", was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read. The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain." The third answer was, "Began in 1958."

For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.

That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world ...

"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said.

She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"

Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting.....

• Until your car or home is paid off
• Until you get a new car or home
• Until your kids leave the house
• Until you go back to school
• Until you finish school
• Until you clean the house
• Until you organize the garage
• Until you clean off your desk
• Until you lose 10 lbs.
• Until you gain 10 lbs.
• Until you get married
• Until you get a divorce
• Until you have kids
• Until the kids go to school
• Until you retire
• Until summer
• Until spring
• Until winter
• Until fall
• Until you die...

There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching.