Bad, It's Really Bad

Someone shoot me, just shoot me now! Tomorrow is the wedding. Since I didn't lose the weight I was aiming for, I was desperate to do something to make a prettier me. I decided to make today a day of beauty.

1. Highlights - just a wee bit. How hard can it be. I mean, it's not like I'm going to dye my whole head. The box lied!! What appeared on the box to be pretty little blond highlights turned my hair orange - BIG TIME! And I didn't even put in the big stripes they showed - I just did two or three hairs at a time! I tried to make an emergency appointment with a hairdresser for a fix but I can't get an appointment before I leave for Tennessee in the morning. I want to cry.
2. Manicure - nails will be soooo pretty. And they did....until I went to get my keys to unlock the car door and messed up 3 nails! But I walked back to the salon and they said no problem! They took the polish off all the nails and re-added it, made me sit under the nail dryer for 30 minutes and off I go again!! Now, here it is almost 10:00 and what do I see but 4 nails with the tips messed up. So once I finish this blog post I'm going to take off the polish. That was wasted money. I'm not a nail polish type of woman anyway. But still, I really want to cry.
3. Face/Eyebrow wax - While I was getting my nails done, they talked me into getting my eyebrows waxed (they do look great! But my eyebrows had a nice shape to them anyway so that's not the beauty bonus I need at this point) and my face waxed which I've wanted to do (I hate those little chin hairs!). My face was extremely red afterwards but that didn't bother me because I knew that it would just take it a little bit. But now the general redness has left, but I'm getting red splotches and bumps all over my face!!! Forget about wanting to cry, I did cry!!!!
3. Spanx - I bought a pair to help suck up some of this extra weight. I decided to try on my dress to see how it looks with the Spanx. OMG!! I can't even get it over my hips!!! And I now realize that I got the Spanx in a size smaller than what I should have so here's another $30 I've wasted and the store won't be open before I have to leave in the morning. The good news is that because I'm stuck mid-way in the Spanx I had to stop crying because a) I can't breath so I have no air in which to create more sobs and b) I can't move so I dare not allow more tears to fall or else there is a chance that I will drown.

If I could, I would just not show up for the wedding. But that's not an option.

But all is not lost - the car rental place accidently gave my reserved car to someone else so they had to upgrade me. So I got a SUV (which will guzzle gas, but it's my vacation so who cares) instead of the mid-sized car that I was going to get.

Autumn

Have I mentioned that Fall is my favorite time of the year???!!!


(another post to come over the weekend after I install my new keyboard. I just want to say that I love Autumn!!!)

And the answer is....

I posed a survey to my fellow workers today with a majority vote resulting in a surprising (to me anyway!) outcome....only 2 of us chose foot over hand!!

The question was:
In a public bathroom (I'm posting a picture so that you can mentally remove the image of a home toilet from your mind!) do you flush the toilet using your foot or your hand?

This question came up today because I went to my manager's office to fill out a workman's comp form. As I explained to her...I was in the rest room and when I went to flush the toilet my shoe flew off. Of course I jumped forward to catch it before it fell in the toilet bowl. But I mis-judged it and I tripped and hit my head on the stall wall. Her question to me wasn't "are you hurt?" it was "what were you doing flushing the toilet with your foot??"

I know you wash your hand afterwards but, ewwww!!! Not to mention the fact that the handle is so low that if I were to bend over using my hands there is a chance that my boobs would fall in the bowl!!

P.S. I really wasn't hurt so flowers aren't necessary. :)

Well Crap

That 4 letter word pretty much sums up the essence of me...

I feel like crap (what do you expect when you can gain 10 lbs in 4 days, or 30 lbs in 1 month???)
I look like crap (why couldn't I have been cursed with zits in my teens instead of waiting until my 40's???)
I'm eating like crap (no excuse, just stating a fact)
My legs appear to be crappy 'ol balloons (I swear - I measured my calves this morning and they are 3 inches bigger than they were last week...EACH!!! Fluid, fluid and more fluid!!!)
There is a crappy 'ol golf ball stuck in my throat - or at least it feels that way!!
And this damn "c" key is sticking so bad that it's ticking me off every time I type CRAP!!!


But other than that....I'm doing great!