Not as I pictured it

A couple of years ago when I was successfully losing weight I had to break down and buy new undies. This time around I've been refusing to buy any new clothing, including any intimate apparel- I was forcing myself to make do with the clothing that I had previously. Or at least I did until yesterday. I got back my tax refund check and decided to splurge on some new panties.

For the Grey's Anatomy fans - think back to the episode where we saw Callie in her hidden hospital basement room (I still don't understand why she was living in that hole in the wall when she is rich!). She was dancing in her undies...specifically she was dancing while wearing boyshorts panties. Ever since I saw that episode I have wanted some boyshorts. And even though I know I'm a lot bigger than she is, I wanted to look like her in my boyshorts - or at least a chunkier version of her. I have to say....I love my boyshorts! They are so comfortable!

But I look nothing like Callie or even a chunkier Callie!!!

(to refesh your memory - here's a short video. Not the best I could find, but it was the only one with the actual song "The Mating Game" on it and I love that song!)

Uh, Oh....

The Chihuahua ate the guinea pig and then threw up!

I'm not sure when it happened, but I must have eaten something with a LOT of sodium in it because my ankles were HUGE this morning! And my scale noticed those thick ankles by showing a slight gain this morning - you got it... .2!

Am I upset? Nope
Am I worried? Nope
Am I going to squash that .2 gain? Hell yes!


I love Wednesdays!

I'm A Whinner....ummm....I mean I'm A Winner!!

Woohoo! Down 2.6 lbs this week. Ok, the Woohoo! was a little sarcastic, but I actually am happy....more like a woohoo with less volume (woohoo). This loss officially put me at the 70 lb mark so that's good.

1 guinea pig + 1 ostrich egg + 1 chihuahua + 1 elephant penis = 70 lbs.

I have my appointment with my endocrinologist the first week of May and with any luck I will get the official news that my Graves Disease is in remission. Keeping my fingers crossed! I'd love to get off the meds and maybe my thyroid will revert back to normal instead of it's current hypo status. Since I had no cable or Internet this weekend, and I had to stick by the house "just in case" the cable company could come out early I spent most of my weekend cleaning. And in the process of cleaning I not only shredded all my bank statements from the 80's but I found my old WW booklets from 2003-2004 (not to mention the one from Jan 2005 - Feb 2005, the one from June 2005 - August 2005 and the one from May 2006 - July 2006!).

Below is my loss/gains between 2/12/04 and 4/17/04:

-4.4
-2.6
-1.2
-2.2
-1.8
-3.4
-5.2
-3.8
- .8 (what happened to me that week I have to wonder!)

Do you notice anything missing from those numbers (besides the fact that I didn't have a gain)???

That stupid .2 that seems to haunt me these days!

Just How Lost Was I?

I came home Thursday to find that my internet and TV were both out! Thursday is my favorite TV night, and I can't seem to focus on anything when I don't at least have background noise from the TV going on. And not being about to get on the internet...well, you might as well have broken all my fingers! I tried reading with the radio as background noise and I tried sleeping with the radio as background noise. But the only station I could get was one that played songs from the 70's and I found myself trying to remember words and singing along with the songs instead of reading/sleeping. The first appointment opening the cable company had was for this morning between 10-12 (of course, they didn't make it here until 2:15). It turns out that they accidently disconnected my service instead of my neighbors (this is the 3rd time that has happened since I've bought my townhouse). But after 3-1/2 days without TV or internet I'm back up and running!

I log in my calories & exercise online so I'm days behind and at this point I'm hoping that I haven't gone over any of the days that I was without a computer. I should be ok, but it is so easy to get off track when you do things one way and then are suddenly forced to go back to the old fashioned way - it's so easy to forget to write down the unexpected/unplanned items (like that extra package of oatmeal I ate on Friday because I was still hungry at 10...better write that one down right now!!). But the scales are looking good so far (good, not great!) so I'm assuming that I stayed within my calorie range.

Pulled from Sparkpeople

Do You Suffer from Diet Rage?

Rules of the Road to Help You Reach Your Destination

-- By Mike Kramer, Staff Writer

After slowing down to an unexplained stop for the 147th time in the space of 2 miles, I decided that I hated the world. Surrounding me were an ocean of maddening brake lights, rain pelting the windshield and thousands of tons of steel and fiberglass flung around by a clueless pack of selfish morons who obviously didn’t know the first thing about driving!!

It was in serious danger of ruining my whole day.

Is there anything more frustrating than being bogged down in traffic? Most all of us have been there before. That discouraged, fed up feeling that just makes us want to throw up our hands in surrender or lay them on the horn.

Thankfully, I stopped muttering helplessly and started thinking instead. And I realized that I often witness another type of "road rage" – the frustration that builds on the road to weight loss: Diet Rage.

Think about your dieting history. Does it give you the same feeling as an exasperating traffic jam? You never quite get where you want to go as fast as you want to get there. You get aggravated, yell (usually at yourself), and see people in other lanes going faster than you (how do they DO that?!), and it usually ends up ruining your day.

Here’s the lesson: Getting frustrated with your diet does no more good than getting frustrated in traffic. It just makes you unhappy, unsuccessful and tense.

By the time I got to work (it was a long commute), I noticed a lot of things that we, as weight loss veterans, can learn from traffic jams. Next time you start to feel frustrated with your weight loss progress, keep these "lessons of the road" in mind:

• Pay less attention to how much further you have to travel. Stop asking yourself "are we there yet?" You’ll get there when you get there. Instead, look at the scenery, think about life, carry on a conversation, sing along with the radio, or simply be thankful for how far you’ve come.
  
• The journey is always more fun with a passenger. Have you asked anyone along for the ride?
  
• You know the route you need to take to reach your weight loss goals. It’s already mapped out. As long as you stay pointed in the right direction, you’ll get there. Even in the worst traffic jams, you still get to your destination at some point. It’s the same way with dieting – just a matter of time. It may take longer than you first expected, but you will get there.
  
• There will always be periods of stopping and starting. It’s something that you should just anticipate and allow for. No use getting upset or stressed about not making progress. It’s a normal part of the journey.
  
• Sometimes, you’ve just gotta go with the flow of what’s going on around you. Life can present some situations that you really can’t do anything about. When that happens, staying straight and steady – doing the best that you can – will keep you on track and sane. In traffic, impatient people stop, change lanes, weave in and out of other cars, driving themselves and everyone else crazy – and in the end, usually don’t get any farther along than you do by staying put and going with the flow.
  
• Shortcuts never work.
  
• Driving too fast is dangerous. That’s why they call it "crash" dieting. Slow down, take what life gives you, and make sure you arrive at your destination in good health.

I finally did get to my destination after all. Hands were pried away from the steering wheel, teeth were unclenched, and a few aspirin were popped. Of course, people in the cars around me probably had a good laugh at my arm-waving and soundless yelling. Funny how we can lose our senses when faced with something that frustrates us, whether it’s traffic or our diets.

Thanks to these insights, my story had a happy ending. Hopefully, remembering these rules will help you reach your destination sooner – and more content – than you expected.

I'm Back!

OK, I'm happy to report that it was early PMS! I've probably had one of the most consistent menstrual cycle in the whole world all of my life. It never effected my weight. It never effected my moods. Then about two years ago my periods stopped (I thought "Yea! I'm finally going through menopause!") and I started getting moody. It turned out that the Graves Disease was playing tricks on my body and wrecking havoc on me. Since being on meds I've resorted back to my old ways until this month. I have my 4 month follow visit early May, so I'll check with my doctor to see if this could be another result of the Graves - or a result of the meds that I'm taking (which hopefully I will be able to discontinue next month!)

Now, it's with great sadness that I have to report a .2 lb gain. I'm not too worried about it because I know that I stuck with my program last week. I'd feel better if my ankles were swollen because then I could blame it on fluid, but no such luck. Oh, well! There's always next week.

And on a totally different note - I get emails from Prevention daily. Yesterday I got one with a link to some games that are supposed to keep your mind young. I was so bad at them! And I'm addicted to them even though I'm bad at them!! So, I'm going to go play some more. Who knows - maybe if I play enough I'll actually get the hang of them!

Melancholy

I hope I'm going through an early PMS.

• Everything thing someone says to me almost brings me to tears - if in fact it doesn't bring me to tears. I know they don't mean things the way I'm taking them. Just for today, I feel like I don't count.
• Everything that someone says to someone else that could possibly be construed as a slight towards me is being taken as such - even if in my saner moments I would realize that they don't mean it that way. Just for today, I don't think they think about me at all.
• Everything indicates that I am invisible to the majority of the people out in places where I continuously try to belong. Just for today, I just don't know why I bother.

It boils down to this....

I am nobody today.

Maybe I'll be someone tomorrow.

A Fat Rant.

A video by Joy Nash.

Zittity Do Da

As you might be able to establish from the title...today's topic is Zit's!!!

I have one!!!

It's huge!!!!

Why is it fair that at my age I have a zit the size of Montana on my face??? I think it's punishment for living the first 30 years of my life relatively zitless. But when you think about it, haven't I been punished enough because I've had to deal with being overweight all my life? (Except those few months in 1979 of course...ahhh, the memories.)

I can't wait to see what my 50's are going to bring....30's brought out the zits and my 40's saw the emergence of the little black hairs that sprout on my chin overnight. At this point I'm leaning towards my teeth spontaneously falling out or a new embarrassing Georgia law named Melissa’s Law about breasts having to be on leashes if they droop too far or swing too wide.

I love Mondays!

Today was a new day! I took all my goodies into work and with the exception of the candy (keep in mind, I spent $100+ on the candy for the whole office so there was quite a bit of it) and 4 sugar cookies all the food was gone by 10 this morning! Both the food for the office and the bunny bags for the girls were big hits!!

And the office is back to normal - I actually managed to get some of my work done for a change!!! And I got even more done since I was so busy venting in my last post that I completely forgot to change my clock back so I ended up getting up at 3 instead of 4.

Program wise, I've done great today. Water, food and exercise - all accounted for and I feel good that I'm back in focus. WI is tomorrow. I'm still playing the "I'm going to be ticked no matter what" ticket, but I'm actually looking forward to getting it over with.

What A Week!

My weekend will be over in less than 4 hours and I'm already exhausted! One of the girls was out of the office last week - end of the month, end of the quarter - holy crap! What a time to take a week off!! We had known about this for over 2 months. For over 2 months I tried to get her to show me some of the things that she does so that I could help out. For over 2 months she came up with excuse after excuse not to show me. Then the last week prior to her vacation she decided to show me the commissions end of it - ONCE!!! Each frigging order is different, there was no way that I could learn enough to feel comfortable with one run through. Then on the next to the last day, she decided to show me how to drop orders...of course she didn't have any examples so we "pretended" to have an order and she TALKED me through the steps. And on the last day - at 4:00 she showed me how to place replacement orders - I use the term show losely because she was going so fast that I know I missed half of it (luckily, a few months ago I happened to find some instructions with screen shots that the vendor had printed up so I feel very comfortable on this step thanks to those instructions).

Monday I went in at my normal time (I techinically work from 8:30-5, but I've always started work by 7:15). The day was a little hectic, but I managed to keep up. The problem was that I knew that each day closer to the end of the week there would be more orders to be installed, dropped or incoming because all the reps want to get paid their quarterly bonus. So Tuesday I went in at 6:30. I was right about the week getting worse - all hell broke lose. The girl that was completing the leasing worksheets (which I would have felt comfortable doing even though I haven't been trained on it - very similiar to the proceedure I used at my other company and the same leasing company) and placing the orders kept asking me questions on how to do this or that (keep in mind I have no training on placing the orders at all!). Or she would ask something like "do we need to order XYZ for this company?" - which wasn't a problem EXCEPT she didn't tell me who "this" company was and she didn't bring the file so I had no idea who or what she was talking about. (She's been doing that job for 4 years BTW.) So the rest of the week, I was at my desk by 5:30-5:45. I wasn't taking my lunch break (a couple of days I did walk to the breakroom, get my salad out of the fridge and eat my salad as I walked back to my desk). Instead of going to the bathroom every hour the way I normally do because I drink so much water I found that I was going to the restroom once, maybe twice during the day because 1) I wasn't drinking as much water - I just didn't seem to have the time and 2) when I did have the urge to pee I was holding it because I kept getting interrupted or I kept remembering something else I had to do. When I came home I was so tired that I was either going straight to bed, or I was fixing something quick in the microwave. Friday finally came. Yea!!! I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a day end!!! Of course, one of the girls in the office wanted me to come in Saturday because she wanted to work but she didn't want to have to work alone. Not going to happen!!!

So that was my week last week. Why am I still exhaused you ask? Because I realized that next week is Easter which meant that I needed to get my bunny bags filled, and it means that I had to make my sugar cookies, M&M cookies, carrot muffins and my strawberry and peach danishes to take into work tomorrow! So yesterday was a day for shopping (I had to go to three different grocery stores before I found all of the items I needed) and I went to WalMart, Target, CVS and Walgreens to get the Easter candy for the bunny bags (one of the girls in the office doesn't like chocolate....Gads!! But she loves Twix bars so I was trying to find some Twix bars in Easter wrapping. I finally found them at Walgreens (the last place I stopped). And then I remembered that I wanted to get Skittles for one of my favorite service techs because they are his favorite so I had to go back to CVS since Walgreens didn't have them. Then it was over to the fabric store to get some "Easterly" ribbon to go on the basket (I decided at the last minute to get enough candy to put a big basket in the breakroom for everyone). I finally got everything that I could possibly need (or so I thought). After arriving back home I started sanitizing the kitchen (wipe down all the counters, sweep & mop the kitchen floor. At that point I realized that I forgot to get gloves and hairnets (I know it sounds silly, but when I'm cooking for people that aren't family or close friends I always wear gloves just like the ones they wear at Subway, and so that there is absolutely no way that any hairs can fall into the food I wear a hairnet and I buy at new t-shirt to wear. I think that is very considerate of me, don't you??) And I also realized that I didn't have enough containers. So it was back on the road. Then it was time to start. Last night I made the M&M cookies and baked them. And I made up the dough for the sugar cookies (they have to chill overnight).

Today I've spent the day doing laundry, making the carrot muffins, rolling, cutting out and baking the sugar cookies and then after a little break (where I ran up to the store again for another bag of candy since I didn't quite have enough) I came back to finish off the menu - the danishes. This would have been much quicker, but for some reason I had my mind set that they had to be shaped like Easter eggs. After I'd lay down the bottom layers I cut out the top layer and then cut out the center of that layer, spread the cream cheese mixture, dollop the strawberry or peach filling, and then....decision time - is this the pointy end of the top egg layers or the rounded bottom end???? With the center cut out of it, it made it really flimsy and by the time I started to place it on top it would start to wobble. Towards the end I swear I was just throwing the damn things down and where ever it landed was where it was going to stay!!!

I finished! Everything looks good. And yes, everything tastes good (I had a bite of everything just to make sure). Everything is in it's container ready to go out the door in the morning. I'm soooo tired. And now I'm so distraught! I just realized that my TV and clocks automatically set themselves forward an hour because it was supposed to be the beginning of daylight saving time today!!! I was ready to go to bed!!!! But it's not even 8 now!!!

On the weight front - I've been eating poorly this past week. Most days I was lucky to get in 1000 calories. I've been exercising poorly. Most days I only got in 30 minutes and there were at least 3 days when I got in zippo, nada, ziltch! I haven't eaten enough veggies. I haven't drank enough water. I haven't weighed so I'm curious to see how the lack of calories combined with the lack of exercise is going to effect my WI on Tuesday. But me being me, I'm going to be ticked off no matter what. I'm going to be ticked off if I maintain....because I didn't eat. I'm going to be ticked off if I gain....because I didn't eat. And I'm going to be ticked off if I lose....because it would just prove that if I starve myself it can be done!! Of course, I think I'll get over being ticked off faster with option #3. :D

And some may wonder - why am I buying and baking so much tempting food when I'm trying to lose weight??? It's because I eat vicariously thought other people. It actually helps me stay away from certain food items that I might want if I can see others eating it. I always keep a bowl of candy on my desk for the other employees and I'm never tempted to eat any of it unless no one eats it (which hasn't happened yet!).