Not doing good

That's actually an understatement! I don't know what I need to do to get my focus back but I am going to continue trying. I will make it!!!

Yesterday I went to get my eyes examined. And I spent almost $1000 on new glasses. I was going to get both glasses and contacts as this is an "odd" year and I give contacts a shot every other year. But the vision office personnel had the personality of a cardboard box - from the receptionist to the doctor. They had basically almost pushed me out of the office before I realized that they weren't going to do the contact portion (they said they forgot). The doctor was already with the next patient by that point, but they were kind enough (that's sarcasm!) to offer to put me down for another appointment. Grrr!

Today I went to the car wash to vacuum my car. Apparently I'm still not used to the new vision prescription because I actually turned into a brick wall. I hate getting old!

Oops!

Inquiring minds want to know how I can do so much cardio without dropping dead of exhaustion or boredom...

I can't!! LOL Today I could barely crawl out of bed. And as far as the boredom goes, I've just accepted that I hate exercise but that I have do it if I have any hope of getting this weight off. Going to the gym helps - I'm so busy watching the TV, watching other people to see how they use different machines (some...actually most of them, still scare me!) and my new favorite thing is the rowing machine - I set it on Fishing mode and try to beat my previous scores (the better/faster you row the more fish bite the dust!). But it gets harder all the time because once I get used to something I lose interest (i.e. the pool - talk about boring! It's fine for 30 minutes, but I'm having trouble maintaining my hour goals).

Food wise - I sucked today! Actually if I were following my normal 1200-1500 goal I would be fine, but I'm really wanting to keep it under 1000 this week. That didn't happen today.

Calories: 1221
Exercise: 1 hour bike, 30 minutes treadmill. That's it...
Weight: Down 7.4 lbs (4.6 lbs to go!)

That's better

Calories: 793
Exercise: 1 hour treadmill, 30 minutes bike, 30 minutes rowing machine, 30 minutes weights.
Weight: down 5.6 lbs (6.4 lbs to go)

It could have been better

Calories: 1177
Exercise: 30 minutes bike, 30 minutes treadmill
Down 1 lb...11 to go.

Pick An Adjective

a) angry?
b) disgusted?
c) frustrated?
d) all of the above and then some....ding, ding, ding, ding!!!

When I lose control, I really lose control. So, last week I said that I wasn't going to weigh myself because I just knew that I was going to gain. Of course, I had to weigh myself - I just couldn't stop myself! I was up 2 lbs. But everything was ok because I got back on program on Monday and by Thursday I was back down into the 20's (just barely). But then I totally lost it again. Between Thursday night and this morning (count it, that 3-1/2 days!) I have managed to gain back those 2 lbs, PLUS an additional 10 lbs!!! Yes, that is correct - not only have I knocked myself back out of the 20's but I've also knocked myself back out of the 30's!! I checked my weight log - it took me 9 weeks to lose those 12 lbs!

That's it - no more excuses!!! I'm back OP and until I lose those 12 lbs I can't have anything but lean meat, fruits and veggies...no Laughing Cow cheese, no 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream, no fat free salad dressing, no pickles, no starchy veggies, no popcorn, NO, NO, NO!!!


Awww, crap! I just remembered that my mother is coming back through town tomorrow and I promised to take her out for her birthday. OK, change of plan. NO MORE EXCUSES except for the birthday dinner.


Pick An Adjective: Ticked - I have never been as ticked off at myself as I am right now!!!

Calories for the day - 860
Exercise - 50 minutes bike, 30 minutes treadmill, 15 minutes rowing machine and 20 minutes weights.

Hate - It's a strong word

I hate my job.

Nuff said.

Danger Will Robinson!!!

OK, I have no idea what brought it on, but it came with force!!!

A Binge!!!!

It was horrible - and I mean it was horrible!! And yes, I thought that a couple of months ago when I had the bad day. But this weekend was horrible!!!!



Are you beginning to get the idea that I had a horrible weekend food-wise?? LOL Oh, well - it's over with. I've done good today. And I am not stepping on the scale for at least 3 days - I know there is absolutely no way I haven't gained and I'm not going to let a bad weigh-in mentally bring me down.

*shudder*

Biggest Loser

I thought this was interesting...

Fat Chance

What? Another Entry So Soon???

This one will be quick(er). I have an announcement, an event and a recipe.

Announcement:
Today is my official weigh-in day and I actually gained a little....from yesterday. BUT I still get to ring in a 4.2 lb loss for the week which gently throws me into a new decade!!! I wasn't going to make a big deal of it because there's a good chance that tomorrow I'll be back up a few ounces (that seems to be how my body works!). But on the drive home I figured out a way to avoid slipping back into the 30's...I'm just not going to weigh tomorrow!!!


Event:
This is my basic exercise plan.

• Monday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio (machines, walking, DVD's whatever) and 30 minutes on the weight machines for abs, back and butt.
• Tuesday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio. 30 minutes -1 hour in the pool.
• Wednesday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio (machines, walking, DVD's whatever) and 30 minutes on the weight machines for arms & chest.
• Thursday - Tuesday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio. 30 minutes -1 hour in the pool.
• Friday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio (machines, walking, DVD's whatever) and 30 minutes on the weight machines for legs.
• Saturday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio. 30 minutes -1 hour in the pool.
• Sunday - 30 minutes - 1 hour cardio.

Since today is Tuesday, I got to enjoy the pool! In my laps I noticed this guy in the lane next to me. When he swam to the end of the pool, he put his feet and calves over the edge of the pool (I actually started to suggest that he use the ladder, because I thought he was trying to get out of the pool in a slow motion, reverse sort of the way!). But what he was doing was sit-ups! He would sit up and touch his knees (which were right at the edge of the pool) then lay back so that his upper chest and head went under the water. Of course, he made it look so easy that I just had to try it myself (after everyone else had exited the pool of course). Do you know how hard it is to throw your legs up over the edge of the pool???? It was almost impossible!!! But that seemed like child's play compared to the next step. I laid back into the pool (picture: HEAD UNDER THE WATER!) and found that I didn't have enough strength to do the sit up!!! That wouldn't have been so bad, but it's almost like with my head under water, my brain wasn't able to communicate with my legs so I couldn't get my legs down off the pool edge. There I was on the verge of drowning and all I could think was "Please God. Don't let anyone walk in and see me this way!". Luckily I must have splashed enough water to make the pool edge slippery because I finally made like a seal and slid right back into the water. The good news is that the concrete at the edge of the pool seem to have acted like a depilatory....I bet I won't have to shave my legs below my knee for at least 2 weeks!

Recipe:

Meatloaf Muffins

1 lb. ground turkey (ground beef can be used, but turkey has less fat)
1 box Stovetop Stuffing Mix
1 medium onion
1/2 cup green bell pepper, chopped
1 teaspoon garlic salt
2 egg whites
1 cup hot water
1 package Lipton Onion Soup Mix
1/4 cup ketchup

Mix Stovetop Stuffing & water in a large bow. Stir with a fork until moistened.
In another bowl mix the other ingredients together.
Add the stuffing to the other ingredients

Spray muffin tin with Pam.

Fill muffin tins almost to the top with the meatloaf mixture.

Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes.

12 servings - 110 calories (+/- a few calories depending on which stuffing mix and which ketchup you use)

The Much Anticipated Update

My one person audience requested an update so here it is...

After my slightly disappointing weigh-in two weeks ago, I was really anticipating a great WI last Tuesday - or if it wasn't a great WI I was looking forward to at least seeing the same loss two weeks in a row (which is rare for me!). And guess what!!! I saw the same 2 this week!!!! The only problem was that my 2 was proceeded with a "."! So even though I've bumped up my exercise my old nemesis .2 is still following me around. But that's ok - I'm seeing some good numbers so far this week and I'm not planning on letting anything throw me off program so I'm pretty sure I'll be seeing at least a 2 lb loss next Tuesday.

Exercise - I've managed to get to the gym every day except Sundays and one Monday (I was experiencing some digestive problems and just couldn't see myself running downstairs fast enough to reach the restrooms if the need suddenly arose!). I was going gung-ho there for a while, but I've pretty much brought it back down to 1 hour. I do 30-60 minutes on the bike at home every morning before I go to work so I'm still working out at least 1-1/2 hours per day which is good.

But the big news is...I finally got in the pool!!! I would drag in my bag every day, and day after day that bag would go back home with me unopened. Finally on Wednesday I said "No Excuses" and took the plunge. I checked the pool area before going upstairs to do some cardio exercises and there were 3 women in there...all of them were skinny but at least they were women and they were few. I worked out upstairs for 45 minutes then came back downstairs. Checked out the pool area again and there was only 1 woman in the pool (I don't know how many people were in the hot tub since it sits off to the side). So...NO EXCUSES! Unlike others there, I need my privacy so I ended up changing into my suit in one of the tiny little bathroom stalls. I waiting until I could hear no little footsteps and came out of the stall in my suit...with my beach towel sized bath towel wrapped around me! I crept into the locker room (ready to scamper back quickly into a stall should I hear anyone coming) to lock up my stuff. Then...NO EXCUSES! I walked on out to the pool area. The 1 woman had left the pool so I had the area all to myself...EXCEPT for 3 men who had appeared since I last checked it!!! Thinking back there was probably nothing that could have gotten me into that pool faster than the thought of all 3 of those men waiting in anticipation for a glimpse of my spectacular body slowly being unwrapped from the bulky old towel! I did the towel drop and the 10 foot walk to the pool in 2 seconds flat!! Safely under the water (I actually had to scrunch way down because the first part of the pool is only 3-1/2 feet) I was in heaven! I walked the pool, did kicks and even swam for almost 2 hours!! I was feeling so good that I wasn't even fazed when I finally got out and caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror only to see that my eye makeup had run all under my eyes and they were very red so that I looked like a rabid rotund raccoon! Bottom line is that I've been back in the pool two more times since Wednesday and I've reached the point where I'm not even checking the area first...I LOVE THE WATER!!

Disappointed, but not defeated

I'm down 2 lbs this week. I've got to admit that I was hoping that my new exercise routine would send that scale spiraling downward so fast that I'd be at my mini goal in no time!! Oh, well at least I didn't maintain for the 3rd week in a row. :)

Step 2

I had a busy day yesterday.

I went to the Vitamin Shoppe to check the Gnu bars that I'd heard about. I ended up buying some whey powder mix (strawberry), ground flaxseed and a couple Gnu bars. The only thing I've tried so far is the Gnu bar which I'd heard great things about. I was less than thrilled with it (they have diced plums or something in them so it had a real fruity taste which is not what I want to taste when I'm eating a brownie bar!) I also bought a walnut/banana bar - I don't think I'll mind a fruity taste with that one since it's supposed to be fruity. But overall I do think that I will be safer with them than I am with the Fiber One bars which are EXCELLENT but I cannot seem to always stop at one.

I went to the gym and walked the treadmill for 45 minutes, 20 minutes on the elliptical, 20 minutes on the bike and 30 minutes with weight machines for arms and chest.

And I went shopping. I bought 2 new pants outfits for work. One is a real pretty green and the other is a more casual outfit in brown (I also bought a pair of brown sneakers to go with this one...I wanted something totally not me). Both outfits are size 18!!!! Now, I wasn't able to fit into everything I tried on in size 18, but the 18's were fitting me more often than not. I spent 3 hours trying on clothes - that is a record for me.

But on to Step 2 (drum roll please) the most important thing I bought was....

A bathing suit!!!

I don't know that I'll get up the nerve to jump in the pool at the gym in the next few days, but one way or the other I will be in that pool by next Saturday at the latest!!! I know the dressing room at the department store had skinny mirrors because I actually looked good in the suits I tried on. I fell in love with a skirted tankini but I was afraid that the top would float up and my boobs would float out so I decided to stick with a one piece for now. :)

Oh, dear!

Well, I did it. I joined a gym. I told them over the phone when I set up the appointment to come in and check the facility out that they'd better have some fat old people that worked out there. They assured me that they did. They lied. Beautiful young, buff and tanned bodies everywhere and not a fatty in sight...nor an oldie.

So you may ask "then why the heck did you join"? Because I maintained this week. I'm getting bored riding the bike and doing my DVD's so I know that while I'm still exercising, I'm not working at it hard enough. So it's time to bump it up again. And it's nice being the best in a group...I'm the best older woman, the best fat woman and the best white as a sheet woman. :)

Tonight I had my complimentary workout with a personal trainer. Oh, my goodness! He had me do a few minutes of cardio to get my heart rate up to where it needs to be for maximum benefit and then it was back downstairs to work on strength training on the arms and chest for 40 minutes. I really think I'm going to die. My arms are still shaking and even picking up the water bottle is a major feat right now!!! He even made me do push ups!!! I can't do push ups - never have been able to. Fortunately for me, my budget does not have room in it for the $496/per month (yes, per month!) that he charges for 3 sessions a week so I won't have face him tomorrow when I go back.

I'm a tired puppy.

Disclaimer: Only Laughing Cow Light Cheese Wedges were used in making this graphic...

I'm dying here!

Short and sweet...

I was in a spending mood. But I didn't want to spend a lot of money so I decided to buy me a sports bra at Target on the off chance that I join the gym this week. OMG!! I feel like I have a vise around my chest!!


Ummm, do you think it has anything to do with the fact that they didn't have sports bras for the heftier woman that I am so I just got a size Large in the regular department???

I came, I saw, I conquered!

I got off to a false start this morning - thought I'd try to reach my trail from another angle but ended up going around in circles for about 30 minutes! - but I finally found the suspension bridge. :)

Was the bridge as wonderful as I had anticipated? No, but it was fun to jump on and make it sway. And it could have been worse - after all, about 500 feet from where I turned around last weekend I came to this rinky dinky bridge and I thought it was bridge I'd been searching for the last few weeks! But after continuing on for what felt like 5 or 6 miles, but was in reality only about 1/2 mile I came to the actual suspension bridge.

The rest of the trail was a killer! I swear it was straight up the whole way back except for one little section where it was straight down. I thought I was going to DIE. And have I mentioned the big fallen tree?? I was too tired to try to jump up on it to crawl over it so I took the low road and went under it. And I went under it with very little grace and dignity!!! This was of course during the little section where the trail went straight down. I ended up flat on my face, sliding under the tree and down the incline!! The good news was that I could "feel" that I was near the end so the fact that I was covered in dirt with sweat trails running down my dirty face and dead gnats in between my teeth (I was doing most of my breathing from my mouth because I was so out of breath) didn't bother me one bit.

Now I'm off to figure out how many calories gnats have so that I can log them into my fitday journal....

Woe Is Me

Since this blog is supposed to be about my weight loss journey, let me start by saying that due to my little journey off the beaten path last week I managed to gain 2.5 lbs. But the good news is that I got right back up, dusted myself off and jumped on the tracks again. So far I've lost 1-1/2 lbs and I'm hoping that by tomorrow I will at least be back where I was last week but I'm optimistic enough that I'm still hoping for a small loss.

Enough about weight loss! I hate getting old! Yesterday I went on my 4th journey up to the nature center a few miles from me. I've gone out there the last 4 Sundays to get in some walking. They have 7 or 8 trails ranging from .75 to 4 miles. The first week I just went on 3 of the smaller trails - by the time I had walked 2 I had worked in a total of 3 miles. Not bad considering we're talking hills! The second week I went out with the intention of finding the trail that had the 150' suspension bridge. I ended up walking about 5 miles, but never could find a trail that took me to the trail that the suspension bridge was on. The third week was more of the same. So yesterday I headed out early to beat the heat. And I finally found the right trail!!! (You had to go on this trail until you saw an unmarked path that took you to another unmarked path, which in turn took you to yet another unmarked path...and that path ended on the correct path!!). The problem was, I'm getting old! I drank 20 oz of water riding my stationary bike, I drank another 20 oz while I was getting ready (and doing laundry) and then I took another liter bottle with me on my hike. Need I say more??? Before I got half way to the bridge my kidneys were going "I gotta pee!". But I said, "You can hold it in a little longer". OK - no problem, except the trail is getting steeper and the trail isn't cleared as well as the baby trails were which meant that I was having to crawl over down trees and whack my way through vines. Each big movement like a jump over a tree truck or a trip over tree root made my kidneys scream a little louder. So...this is a trail in the forest. There are a lot of trees around. I had a Kleenex in my pocket. I haven't seen a soul since I started out. My thought was to make like a Girl Scout and find a big tree. :) Sounds like a good plan doesn't it? Only about that time a man popped out of the woods from another trail! So I kept walking. I got a little distance between me and the man and started scoping out for another nice big tree. ONLY to have yet another man WITH BINOCULARS! coming in the opposite direction!! Can I not have any privacy in the freaking woods???!!!!! After a few more minutes I consult with my map. It appeared that I still had about 15-20 minutes until I would reach the bridge. I'm sad to say, but I had to make an executive decision to go ahead and turn around at that point. I felt that I could hold it in another 45 minutes (that's how long I'd been walking at that point), but there was absolutely no way I could hold it in another hour plus!

Next weekend I'm going to find that bridge and I won't be drinking any water beforehand!!

Soooo bad!

I knew it would happen, I just didn't realize that when it happened it would be this bad! Seven months and one week...that's how long I've been on program. During that time I've had 3 "bad" days which consisted of going over my calorie limit by up to 100 calories (actually I think one of them was 200 calories - but still all in all not too bad!) This morning I left early because it was one of my co-workers birthday and I was going to stop and get her a doughnut. I even remembered to bring the candle, the treat bag to put it in and the ribbon to tie the bag with. One frigging doughnut, that's all I was going for.

The next thing I knew I was eating the doughnut!!!! And I don't even like doughnuts that much!!! And then the day really went downhill. I don't know if I'm even going to log it all in, but guessing I would say that I've consumed close to 3000 calories today. I'm physically sick. For the first time in months I've had to take Tums. I eaten more today than I would have in 2+ days!

I'm not mad at myself. I am however a little disappointed in myself. I've locked myself upstairs in my bedroom with no food to tempt me. But the overwhelming emotion I'm feeling right now is fear. It snowballed so fast today. I have confidence that I'll get back on track tomorrow but I can't help worrying about the next time.

Creative Cravings Cures

Remember the old Food Pyramid chart? Because of that chart I grew up believing that pizza was the perfect food.

• Bread - pizza crust
• Veggies - tomato sauce, green pepper, onions and mushrooms
• Dairy - cheese, lots of cheese!
• Meat - why pepperoni of course, with the occasional change to sausage and the even rarer pepperoni AND sausage.

But woe is me - the powers to be don't agree with me. Now to make it a "good" food, it would have to be a whole wheat pizza crust, no pepperoni and definitely no sausage and don't even think of adding cheese! Don't get me wrong - a tasty meal can be made with the whole wheat crust, tomatoes and veggies and fat free Parmesan cheese. It's just not PIZZA!

But I digress. Today I was on a quest to find a really good chocolate craving food. And this is what I came up with...

1 dark chocolate candy bar - 190 calories, 12 g fat, 2 g protein.
2 T Better N Peanut Butter - 100 calories, 3 g fat, 4 g protein.
1 cup Fiber One - 120 calories, 2 g fat, 4 g protein.

Melt the chocolate candy bar and the peanut butter in the microwave
Mix in the Fiber One cereal
Drop by Tablespoon onto wax paper.

This makes 6 mounds.
68 calories
2.8 g fat
1.6 g protein
5.2 g of fiber

What more could you ask for when you're craving chocolate but you don't want to blow everything? And if you're really craving chocolate you could even eat 1/2 the batch while keeping your calories below what the candy bar alone would have run without the added perks of the additional fiber and protein!

Now ask me if I'd rather have this than a big 'ol slice of cake with chocolate icing!! I wish I could say yes, but I don't like to lie. Now ask me if I would choose that piece of cake right now, right this minute. Nope - it ain't happening. (Of course to be honest, I don't have a piece of cake in front of me to prove it to you!)

Neglect

This is my #1 Neopet, Baabett - ain't she a doll??? I don't know if I've ever mentioned it, but I'm addicted to a website call Neopets. I've been playing on that site for over 6 years now and even though they recently upgraded the site so that now NONE of my hard written HTML and CSS coding work and ALL of my detailed graphics won't work correctly, I still love the site! Unfortunately this week they added a game called Roodoku which is based on the game Sudoku...just with Neopet flavor. I swear everytime I get near the computer my mouse just heads on over to the site for another round of Roodoku - (I'm getting better at it) and I'm basically negelecting everything else!

Now on to real news...

1) I'm .2 (I really do have a love/hate relationship with this number!) away from my 75 lb. loss goal.
2) I only lost 5 lbs for the month of April. :(
3) I had my appointment with the Endocrinologist today. Unfortunately, the Graves Disease is not in remission so I have to continue taking the meds. :( The good news is that my T4 (I get the T's confused so that may not be the right one and I'm too lazy to walk downstairs!) remained the same - so at least I'm not any worse than I was back in December.
4) My arms still hurt from where they tried to get my blood pressure readings! They use the automated machine - all they do is put the cuff on and then press the start button. My BP is normally on the low end - and the hypothyroid also helps lower BP sometimes. So we spent about 15 minutes while the machine kept trying to re-read my BP because it wasn't ready to accept it. The machine finally spit out my readings. (89/58 in case you're interested. :)
5) I had given up, and was mentally already in the drivers seat revving the engine for Sulkfest 2007 because Dr. Shenoy didn't notice that I had lost weight. BUT then as we were packing up he said "Melissa, don't think that I haven't noticed that you've lost A LOT of weight - I just wanted to get all the test results out of the way before I commented on it....followed by a lot more blah, blah, blah it can be harder blah, blah, blah, blah, doing a great job blah, blah, blah, blah and keep up the good work!

Ok - I'm tired and I need to go try to beat my Roodoku score one more time!


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